Shaped By Running

Just Checking In

2012-01-16T22:50:00.002-06:00

No one probably reads this thing, but I haven't killed it off because it is a good record for me of my running adventures and of how I've been healing after the surgery. And so I am posting today just to record where I am with my ankle and with running.

It's been roughly a year and a half since surgery. I can run 3 miles non-stop at a solid pace (9-something min/mile). Well, being able to run that distance is not such a big deal. The big deal is that my ankle doesn't hurt before, during or after the run. Excellent.

I still experience soreness and tightness. But it's not at the site of the surgery, but sort of in the muscles and ligaments around the ankle joint. Also, it's important to note that both, soreness and tightness, emerge only after I push myself. For example, over the last few days I've ran, gone to a couple of hard yoga classes, attended a boot camp twice, and also exercised on my own in the gym. Not to mention lots of walking (in heels, sometimes) at work. I would lie if I said nothing hurt. No, I definitely can feel it in the ankle that it got a workout. But it's not pain... more like a sensation of the leg getting stronger.

In short, I am so much better today than I was a year ago (which was limping after anything remotely intense) or two years ago (which was crying my eyes out because I learned I needed a scary surgery).

I'd say the sweetest thing right now is that more and more I catch myself missing something. That sensation stops me in my own tracks. I dig deeper, start listing things I could have forgotten to do. Did I pay all the bills? Did I promise someone something? Is something due at work? And then it dawns on me: "Oh, that's right, the ankle! I haven't felt the pain! I haven't complained about the ankle in a while!" Well, I don't mind this kind of forgetfulness, haha! I'm alright with that. And I couldn't be happier.

Happy 1st Birthday, New Ankle!

2011-08-19T10:19:00.002-05:00

Today, one year ago, I got an ankle surgery. I like to point out that it involved sawing my bones apart, removing damaged bone & cartilage from within the ankle joint, and replacing it with brand new bone & cartilage from a cadaver. I'm too lazy to dig in my prior blog entries, but I think I was non-weight bearing for almost 2 months (8 weeks, I think) followed by a month of re-learning how to walk. After that, it was all about gaining the muscle back, fighting for that range of motion (stupid scar tissue), and slowly, gently, lovingly re-learning how to run.

That whole paragraph right there is what I tell myself all the time as a friendly reminder that it's okay that I'm not racing right now. The surgery was a big deal, so, Ulyana, stop fretting.

If I don't exercise, I never think about the ankle. The exercise still reminds me that I'm healing. Soreness here, soreness there; weakness here, weakness there.

So, I'm blessed because this surgery was a success. BUT, there is still work to do.

Which brings me to this. I'm not sure I will be doing the triathlon I was planning to do to celebrate one year since surgery!!!!!! I know, what a flake. But as I get closer to it, I clearly see that a 2 hour event will be very wrong at this point for me.

I bet that's disappointing for anyone rooting for me (especially my friends whose ears I've been talking off about this tri). It's just... it's just I need a break. I'm tired of soreness, of pushing myself. It feels good to stop and not work constantly on the leg. It feels so good not to think about it. So, I'm going to be preoccupied with other things in my life while my ankle heals "in the background". I call this next stage in my life "micro-healing". Because at this point, the benefit from constantly willing myself to heal and constantly exercising is so minimal that it doesn't justify the energy that it takes.

Thank you for following my journey!!! I'll keep checking in once in a while and, hopefully, things will once again pick up for me in racing. I hope I'll get to do a race by the 2nd birthday of my new ankle. I'll be sure to blog!

Week's Review & Ramblings

2011-07-06T12:41:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been kinda NOT on top of things and feeling overwhelmed. I paid my AT&T bill late and that started a crap storm of giant proportions (their online system is "special"). I haven't renewed the lease to my apartment on time (they didn't kick me out, though, haha!). I made a couple of promises to a couple of people that I completely forgot about. Hmmm, what else? See, I'm not on top of things, so I don't know. If you are waiting on me for anything, just email/call/etc and remind me, ok?

At least, I didn't forget to train: My progress last week is as follows (it's unorthodox in a sense that I count walking as training on account of my special ankle):

Mon - Bike (1 hr)
Tue - Walk (1 hr)
Wed - REST
Thur - Bike (1 hr), Stair/Jump Rope exercises
Fri - Bike (30 mins), Run (20 mins), Walk (15 mins)
Sat - Elliptical (15 min warm-up), Leg weights, Swim (0.5 miles)
Sun - Bike (1 hr)

I need to swim more and I need to bike outside (all those bike rides were on my trainer). And it wouldn't hurt to run twice a week and not once. I'll try to accomplish these this week and report later.

I think what I really need to do is join a triathlon group. Doing all three sports on your own is so freaking boring!!!! I literally wanna shoot my brains out!!! I guess it's time to do something about that... Ok, to organize my overwhelmed self, here's my to do list:

1) run twice this week
2) bike with a group
3) look into joining a triathlon group

Realistic, right?

Life is getting back to normal. You guys, I'm joining groups and such. LOVING IT!

And the training begins....

2011-06-28T14:48:00.004-05:00

YIKES! I haven't posted here in TWO MONTHS!!! Whoa... tell me it ain't so.

Life has been really good. The leg has been healing. Yes, "has been", and it still is. It's a loooong process. It's been 10 months since surgery. I'm crossing my fingers that at the one year mark since surgery, which will be August 19, 2011, I'll be 100% healed. For now, I'm enjoying greater flexibility in the joint, almost no swelling even after a hard run, and a much better ability to handle super long walks.

I'd say in the first 8 months since surgery, I got to 97-98% level of recovery, and now I'm gaining those last few percentage points. And, man, let me tell you, IT. IS. SO. SWEET.

I haven't been to the doctor in almost two months, and he told me not to come for another year either to him or to my physical therapist. YAY! for such good recovery that your doc discharges you months ahead of schedule, but...

...when he told me that, I wasn't entirely happy about the end of physical therapy. I was doing very well at the time, but I wasn't at 100%. And since I have a character defect wherein I constantly demand perfection from myself, even my ankles, I decided I was going to find someone else who'd help me get my ankle to its pre-injury state. So, I found a new therapist, who is super awesome. What she does is basically super gentle massage of the ankle itself for an entire hour. After I went to her for the first time, I left thinking (sarcastically), "WOW, I just paid someone to hold my ankle for an hour, can't I find something better to spend my money on?" BUT, I returned for the second and the third appointment, and WOW! in just a month, she has worked through so much of my scar tissue that the ankle is almost exactly the same size as my good ankle. Before starting with this new therapist, I was already starting to believe that my "surgerated" ankle would forever be 1 centimeter thicker than the healthy one(and THAT'S A LOT! My ankle joint is skinny). And I'm glad to report that I was very wrong.

In September, I'll participate in a triathlon to celebrate a year of successful healing from this stupid injury. I've been slacking in terms of systematic training regimen, but I have been running/walking/swimming/biking on a regular basis, almost every day. So, I'm in good shape. These next two months will be all about TRAINING. I'm very grateful that I have this opportunity. Living with no pain is fabulous. And being able to compete is even more so. I can't wait!

(i think this means I'm back to posting)

How I Know I Can Sprint

2011-04-27T09:25:00.005-05:00

Saturday held a very interesting run for me. That day I graduated to a final stage in my running program. Now I'm running not in intervals but for as long as I can. Which is still exactly like running in intervals because the longest I can run is 5 minutes. YUP! You probably did 5 miles on Saturday. I RAN FIVE MINUTES NON-STOP! Suck. On. That.

Anyway, for some weird reason, I had rattlesnakes on my mind all Saturday. Maybe I watched too many episodes of "Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" (he sips from a rattlesnake mug - ceramic, not made of rattlesnake skin, haha - in case you never heard of him).

So, all day, I'd go about my business, and then the idea of a rattlesnake would pop into my head. YUCK!

And what do you know! I go on my little run, and I stumble on the fattest, grossest, longest, vomit-inducing SNAKE. I'd like to think it was a diamondback rattlesnake, but google is not supporting my theory because the pictures it gives me are of brown rattlesnakes. The snake I encountered had a very colorful, red/purple/yellow diamond pattern on its back.

So I see that thing, and I SPRINT in terror! The last time I sprinted was spring 2010, haha! And, you guys, I can sprint in good form, haha! That's something I didn't expect to discover at this stage in my recovery from surgery.

As I galloped past the snake, I realized it didn't move an inch in his reaction to me. So - which was probably not exactly smart - I went back to look at it. Yup, it was fat and gross and diamondback-y. Then - which was probably even dumber - I threw a rock at it to see if it'd move. It didn't. (Otherwise, I'd probably be writing now about how I got bitten by snake this Saturday...)

Then I decided to get closer to it and pet it.

JUST KIDDING! I'm not THAT dumb. I'm just dumb.

Thankfully, the snake was dead.

So the freakout was sort of pointless. Except, of course, for the super awesome part where I found out that the surgery didn't kill my sprinting abilities, haha! I so can't wait for the track. Soon enough, soon enough!!!

(It is also quite possible it was a non-venomous snake... yeah...)

Boston!!! My Story (if you can call it that, haha)

2011-04-24T15:38:00.012-05:00

Boston. Aaaah, Boston! The closest I got to qualifying was at the San Diego Rock'n'Roll marathon during summer 2008. I was 16 seconds away from qualifying. That race was so, so tough that I was surprised that I came that close. I remember at one point, I was walking because my hips hurt. A lady who ran past me saw me rubbing my hips and suggested a solution to my problem: I needed to lift my knees higher, according to her, and then my hips wouldn't hurt. I'm sure she had the best intentions, but that was the shittiest piece of advice to give someone at the 23 mile mark, haha! It's like saying - RUN FASTER!!!! I really wanted to bark something back about how - believe you me - if I could lift them higher, I so would... not to mention that it was hard for me to lift my knees high precisely because my hips hurt, not the other way around. But I kept my mouth shut. After all, I wouldn't have been able to stand up for myself in a fight at that point.

At the end of it all, I, of course, was wondering - what if I didn't walk then? What if I lifted my knees "higher"??? Maybe I would have a qualifier under my belt. Well, I do know I did my best. It was the best run marathon of all the ones I did, that's for sure.

Now, after surgery, with stricter qualifying times, and a tougher chance for everyone to get a spot, Boston is probably out of the picture. Right now, I say - it is 100% out of the picture. But who knows... maybe in 4 years, I'll be 100% healed.

Honestly, right now, I can't even remotely imagine running a marathon. Forget about running it fast.

So, after surgery, with my new leg and a new life, I decided to go to Boston as soon as I could start walking normally. If I couldn't run it before, heck, I was gonna walk around it now, even if I had to limp. Going to Boston has been a dream of mine for so long (I would purposely avoid visiting that city... As a real nerd, I told myself that the first time I'd go there would be if I were to run it). Now it was time to get it out of my system. So, in December 2010, my hubby and I went to Boston.

We were very lucky to come there with the first snow:

I got to ice skate! Just a little bit:

And then we walked and walked and walked:

Going to Boston was a little victory for me at the time. What better place to test your new leg as a runner, right?

I'm still reeling from reading all the wonderful race reports from Boston. How exciting! Congrats to everyone!!! And those of you who didn't hit your goals - heck, YOU GOT TO GO TO BOSTON! There is so much tradition, so much history, that even if you crawled it backwards, you freaking did it!!!!!

Have a great week!

PS. Check out my best friend's blog. IT IS SO FUN! She is doing such a great job describing her new life in Germany (Bavaria). She and her husband just finished their science degrees here and moved to Germany. It's a great read filled with fantastic photos.

A Well Deserved Easy Week

2011-04-16T11:30:00.003-05:00

I am very proud of myself.

It feels good to say that. I mean, once you become an adult, no one ever tells you "I'm so proud of you!" Imagine your co-worker comes up and says that to you... Um, AWKWARD! Or your significant other... He/she is probably just trying to get in your pants. Yes, it's a tough, tough world out there. So you gotta tell nice things to yourself... by yourself.

(Wow, I do write complete nonesense after a couple of mimosas on an empty stomach. But I shall continue.)

I am very proud of myself. And the said mimosas are to celebrate a solid 7 days of triathlon training. Now I can feel free to elevate my legs and, apparently, get smashed starting at 10 am.

This is how it all unfolded:

- I biked every day!
- I swam twice!
- I run/walked thrice!
- I did yoga once
- I did weights twice
- I was extemely diligent about doing all my stretches, calf raises, hip flexor strengthening exercises - basically, what PT prescribed - I did!

It might seem quite a load for someone post-surgery because I essentially worked out for an hour to an hour and a half a day every day (EXCEPT one day where I biked for 15 mins and called it a day because when yo' body says rest, you better rest). BUT, I've been building up to this hard week. It's that whole "I'm my own coach" thing. I'm playing coach and having fun. I've been building up to this and now I get to...

....

... I GET TO ENJOY TWO DAYS OF COMPLETE & UTTER REST!

And the next week is going to be very easy to absorb the benefits of all the hard work.

Wow, so well deserved and so very much desired.

'Hope all of you are having the best weekends ever. And I'd like to finish by thanking THE RANKLE (aka the right ankle) for being an all around good sport. For not sabbotaging my training plan. For not giving me pain. For finally freaking healing. YAY!

Love you all!

Fun, Fun, Fun!

2011-04-12T09:44:00.003-05:00

Training is going very well. I'm getting stronger day by day. Today I had my second spin class (a week has passed from the first one), and it's amazing how much stronger I am. My fitness is really catching up.

Things I'm enjoying right now:

1) I am my own coach. This is very strange. For 90% of my running, I always had a coach. I did what I was told to do, like one very good girl, and trusted in my coach's expertise. Now it really doesn't make sense to have a coach, when the longest I've run non-stop is 90 seconds, hahaha! (I guess my PT is sorta like a coach, though). So, I'm (mostly) on my own. And I'm having so much fun!!!! I feel like now I'm discovering this mind-body connection I really wasn't aware of while following someone else's instructions. I have some general benchmarks that I set for myself. Say, a total number of training hours per week, intensity, amount of rest, types of workouts. But I check in with myself daily and adjust as necessary.

But let me make this clear - once I can go full force, swimming, biking, running, whatevering, I am so joining different groups and getting some kinda of coaching!!!! :-D

2) Biking outside. I did my first legitimate brick this past weekend!!!! Half an hour of biking OUTSIDE followed by half an hour of run/walking (about 50/50). An example of an illegitimate brick would be what I did today - a spin class followed by 15 mins on the treadmill. It was a lot of work, fo sho, but it feels fake somehow.

And, finally, I have a big goal. I want to swim at 2min/100m pace during my triathlon this fall. I think it's doable. At my last tri, I swam at 2:24min/100m pace, and the tri before that I did 2:40/100m. Plus, I'm a newbie, so there is so much room for improvement. I guess it all about drills now :-D

Hope you all are doing great!

IT IS SO ON!!!!!!

2011-04-07T09:59:00.002-05:00

Alright, I had my PT check-up this AM where every part of my legs got measured, including the angles of my ankle's range of motion. Also, my balance strength, jumping ability, and muscle strength were checked. And, finally, my running stride was evaluated.

I PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS!!!!!

I need to work on strengthening my hip flexors and regaining flexibility in my right hip flexor, which is all doable and attainable.

More importantly, my registration for the September tri received another stamp of approval.

7.5 months since surgery, and I am so ready to tear that triathlon apart!!!! Yes, just like the title says, it is so on, it's not even funny.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! To everyone and everything for being there for me and helping me get through this faster than ever imagined.

Slappin' Da Bass... Not Really, just building the base to prepare for a tri.

2011-04-06T12:30:00.003-05:00

I can't contain my excitement about the progress that I've been making over the last few weeks.

My first triathlon since surgery is in early September, so I have 5 months to prepare. Which is more than plenty.

Right now, my focus is to re-learn how to run and to build base.

Running

I am running in 90 sec intervals right now with 30 sec breaks. I have two more weeks of that until I learn to run non-stop. I'm sure it'll be 5 mins at first, then 10, then more, all the way until I can run 30 mins or so non-stop. I don't need any more now. I'm a short distance girl now :)

Building Base

I had to battle several colds over the last few months. So, I got really serious about reducing stress in my life, enjoying the little things and having more fun, taking vitamins, and eating very, very well. It certainly is paying off. I feel happy and healthy - no other way to describe it. In addition, I finally have the strength and energy to work out first thing in the morning.

So, this is what I'm up to as I build my base (this is on a per week basis):

- Rwalking (i.e., run/walking) 3 times/week (it comes to about 10-15 mins of running a pop, so I'm really not over-doing it)
- One spin class
- One weight class
- One yoga class
- One masters swim session

These are my must-do's. Then I add or take away biking at home, working out at the gym, and other stuff as I wish, depending on how I feel. No two days are alike, and it's all about having fun. My goal is to get to the triathlon start line fit and well, so I'm listening to my body daily and do as it commands.

THE RANKLE

A few words about the culprit of this... hmmm... hiatus from sports? The Rankle (aka, the right ankle for those who I knew to my word butchering). It is amazing to me that I am training for anything at this point. It's been 7.5 months since surgery. Things have been going well, and I'm grateful for that. I saw swelling when I was in Paris (poor me, I know), but it went away after I got used to walking a lot. Right now I'm seeing swelling because I'm trying to workout in the mornings, and, as you know, you have to deal with stiffer joints at the start of the day. But I am taking it easy. Even when I'm in the spin class, I'm half-assing it compared to other folks in the room, to be honest. But my goal is to just do it. To just make it happen. I know one day I'll be riding hard, swimming hard, and running until I'm out of breath. I know one day I'll be truly racing. But for now, I'm just doing the work.

PARIS

Okay, I realize how lame of me it was to write about a trip to Paris, and not post any photos. Here's what I'm planning to do. I want to write about Boston for Monday, and then I'll post some Paris photos. Have a good day, everyone!

Work Paying Off!

2011-03-25T10:23:00.000-05:00

How is it going, my dearest friends???

I'm doing pretty darn well. I got to go to PARIS! And Brussels! Yup, nothing to complain about.

Well, I did complain about at the start of the trip. The stupid ankle hurt like "all get out" after the first day of walking around the city. I even cried a little bit at the end of the day. While, logically, I understood that it was only 7 months since my surgery and walking so much was a big step, emotionally I was getting out of hand: "IT WILL NEVER, EVER AGAIN -- EVER -- FEEL LIKE I HAVE A NORMAL LEG!!! POOR MEEEE! WHAAAH!" Yup, something embarrassing like that.

But then after a good night of solid sleep, I felt like one ungrateful pig. The pain disappeared completely. It was just a matter of resting and getting adjusted. In fact, at the end of the trip, after the full 6 days of walking and walking and walking, something amazing happened with my ankle. It felt so much better! It felt (and still feels) so much closer to the way it used to be before the injury.

As I've said before, this recovery has been everything but intuitive. I could only overcome the pain of walking by pushing myself and walking more than I thought I needed. I could only regain the flexibility in the joint by stretching a lot more than I thought I needed, despite the mind-numbing pain. Everything has been counter-intuitive.

The most intuitive thing was not doing anything at all, haha! With the amount of pain I was facing after surgery, the last thing I wanted to do was feel more pain. The last thing I wanted to do was feel discomfort, do those range of motion exercises, put weight on my leg, walk, go up and down the stairs. The most intuitive thing was to curl up in bed and wait for the leg to heal on its own. But it doesn't work that way at all. You've got to work, work, work.

And I guess what matters the most is that the work pays off, really does.

I am running in 1 minute intervals now. It's amazing how out of shape I am. But the work is paying off. I no longer think about the ankle. I'm just running!

Have a good weekend!

In Your Face, RANKLE!

2011-03-07T11:01:00.008-06:00

Life is so deliciously good!!! And here's why!

1) I've been running! Well, only three times so far and it's all run/walk. I'm on the following plan: 30 secs run/90 secs walk this week; next week it's 60/60; then 90/30 the week after; followed by real running. So, it looks like in four weeks, yours truly will be able to run non-stop for 15 minutes. IN. YOUR. FACE. Bite that, you osteochondral allograft in my rankle (aka right ankle).

2) I'm going to Paris next week!!! And since I have to keep up with my PT exercises, it looks like I simply must log in a small run/walk on Champs-Élysées. Fine... I guess I'll do it.

3) I REGISTERED FOR A SPRINT TRIATHLON!!!!!!! I've been thinking lately about ways to celebrate my 1 year new life anniversary (sounds better than surgery anniversary). Things have been going so great. Yes, there are lows, and I do still get stiffness in my joint. But that's the name of the game and I'm going to have to live with it for many months to come. It's getting better. I'm learning how to run, and it's going really well. So, in another 6 months, I think I'll be ready for a sprint tri. I probably won't race it, but I'll just do it. What a way to beat this injury, don't you think? So, September 5th (Labor Day), I'll be doing Austin AVIA Triathlon. I've done it before once, and it was truly one of the best races I've done (including all the running events) in terms of organization, location, course, after-race treats, and so on.

Alright, enough excitement for the day. Have a good one!

PS. The whole sprint tri idea was okayed by my doc, so I'm not being crazy, I promise :)

A True Graduation

2011-03-03T09:27:00.002-06:00

I've committed a crime. A SIN, if you will. YESTERDAY, I RAN FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE SURGERY and didn't blog about it. In my defense, the post would have been something like this:

"I RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! I RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!! I RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!"

... just that for many many many pages...

This entirely out-of-body experience took place during my PT appointment. My therapist put me on the treadmill and had me do 30 secs of running followed by 90 sec of walking. I did maybe 5 sets of that. All with the biggest shit-eating grin ever imagined. He said I was doing really well and gave me a few corrections that helped me get an even stride. And then he gave me a "get back to running" plan.

This, my friends, is a true graduation.

See, even today I don't have much to say. I ran, you guys. WOW! I RAN!

Why Running is THE BEST!

2011-02-16T16:02:00.002-06:00

Right now I'm in the throws of my 5th (FIFTH) cold this winter season. The first three were manageable and didn't really affect my day to day life. These last two were and are vicious.

I was a bit shocked with how bad my health is this winter season. Usually, I would get one or no cold at all. This year is just horrible. And I've had it up to here with being sick after that whole surgery experience. Being sick sucks.

But then it dawned on me. I've spent more time in the gym during the last four months than I did in ten years prior. Combined. Now my workouts are in this closed-in space with lots of sweaty bodies. Bodies that don't always remember to wipe down machines after use. Bodies that wipe their nose and then grab onto that free weight. Bodies that grunt and sneeze, or carry that one tiny towel soaked in their sweat to wipe down the equipment they use. NOT HYGENIC!

I hate those bodies.

And what about those steam rooms and saunas??? Pits of nastiness are what they are.

Compare that to going out and running outside alone. NO GERMS! Or compare that to running in a group. Sometimes, just sometimes, you'll shake hello to a newcomer. But that's it. You are not in a confined space sweating together and touching each other's gross bodies by proxy.

Anyway, lesson learned. All those years of running might have given me monster quads (which have successfully disappeared during the recovery from surgery), but I sure didn't develop a strong immune system against sweaty human koodies.

Ok, I'm off to eat my chicken soup with star shaped pasta. Star shaped pasta??? My mood is already getting better.

I'm FREE to RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-09T10:34:00.004-06:00

6 month check-up is in the bag, and the doc said I'm free to re-learn how to run and then get back at it!!!!!!!!!

So, it's been kinda like this since the surgery:

First 2 months - sucky sucky suckerson; crutches, boot, chicken leg - this kinda summarizes it all;
Next 2.5 months - gradually getting back to normal;
Next 1.5 months - normal life, but still not running;
Now - free to run!!!!!!!

YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!

I'm SO EXCITED!!!!

I really want to write a good post, but nothing coherent is coming out. I'm about to throw up from this excitement.

The whole appointment was very good. Marathon running, long distance running is out of the picture (at least for the next several years). BUT, I must run. Our bodies need to withstand stress to build bones and to become stronger. So, short distance running, as part of a good triathlon training program, is essential. Good heart health, good bone health - you get all of that. I know, I know, many of you've said that before (especially, Ron! Thank you!).

I guess I'm off to jog/jump in place. I'm free to run, right? But I gotta re-learn how to do it!!!! That's the only catch :-D

To entertain you, here is a photo of my drugged up self, two days post-surgery:

Too funny!

Anyway, this is a big day! And thank you all for reading my ramblings, especially the mopy ones.

My Wet Dream

2011-02-06T19:43:00.004-06:00

Pardon the naughty title, but that, right there, is my wet dream. Being able to walk in high heels.

Things you miss after a big surgery...

Yes, I miss, miss, miss running. I miss it so much I dream about it. For example, last night I was running on the track, and I passed a guy friend of mine. HA! That's what he gets for being all healthy and running all the time. Little does he know... I can beat him in my dreams any time I want!

One of the things I really missed right after surgery was being able to dance. I still haven't gone out to dance, but I know I'll be ready soon. Maybe in a month.

And lately, I've been really missing being able to walk in heels. And it's not like I walked a lot in heels before the surgery. I was always in my running shoes. But it's all about "being able to". Having a choice, options... FREEDOM!

Now, what about dancing in heels??? Ouch.

Anyway, these are such small things compared to the improvements I've experienced in the last month or so:

I am now better on the bike than I was before the surgery. To be honest, there wasn't much to improve upon, and I have been biking almost every day for over 4 months now. Still, it feels rewarding.
I'm taking steps toward running. I'm learning how to jump, and my homework now to jog in place every day for short periods of time. The bounce in the right leg is still lacking, but it's great to be learning how to jog.
I've included some new things in my exercise regimen: 1) BODYPUMP! Weightlifting has stopped being boring! 2) Stairmaster - holy cow, working those calves and regaining cardio fitness.

Next week, I have my 6 month check-up with the doc. I'm 100% certain he'll give me the green light to start jogging. I'm excited beyond words!

Have a wonderful week, everyone!

Five Months Post-Op

2011-01-19T13:19:00.002-06:00

It's been exactly 5 months since my ankle surgery where they cut into my joint and removed a chunk of bone with severely damaged cartilage and replaced it with that from a cadaver. That's a corpse, you guys!

I finally (thankfully) have reached a point of no severe ups and downs. This is a fourth week of consistent exercise with about 5-6 hours of working out a week. I'm on the bike most of the time, but then I also do the elliptical, upper/lower body weights, core strength exercises, and hot yoga. I'm kinda a gym rat, which I never-ever thought I'd be. (I still hate the gym, although that's my only salvation right now).

One or two more physical therapy appointments, and I graduate. I'll be on my own!!! Kinda scary. And, to be honest, I think I'm going to ask for more visits because - um, hello - who will teach me how to get back to jogging??? Also, I'm quite curious about how to re-learn to jump. It might seem like a silly request, but I can't jump for the life of me... I look ridiculous when I try.

Looking forward, what do I see?

Lots and lots of work. Living in the gym, building leg strength, re-gaining fitness. Right now, my priority is to get my leg and my overall strength up to a level where I can join a masters swim team and go on group bike rides. Running will take much longer, but I'll get there. First things first.

How should I say it: Twenty Eleven or Two Thousand Eleven?

2011-01-05T12:10:00.005-06:00

How fun it is to read everyone's 2010 reviews and 2011 goals!!! If everyone's doing it, so shall I.

2010 was a bit exhausting, so I thought that it would be really cool to not have any goals for 2011 and have a spontaneous year. Doesn't that sound fun?

But then I looked at the graph of my 2010 training hours per week:

That, my friends, appears to be THE definition of spontaneous and unplanned. Turns out that "spontaneous" isn't always a positive thing.

2010 brought a lot of unexpected things. One of them is surgery and news that running the way I used to is over. And, you know what, I did a great job of being spontaneous. I manned up and had the surgery. I was a rock start at recovery. I worked out when I could as well as I could. I faced the losses I've experienced as a runner and made significant steps to heal. I adjusted in everything as fast as possible.

So, I'm awesome at being spontaneous. Time to strive for something new.

As 2011 begins, I find it difficult to set goals and make plans. All I can do is ask. For more ups than downs. For true, honest, solid healing. For being able to truly listen to my body and not be appalled if what I hear is different from the high standards I set for myself. For having maturity to be open to new things and new beginnings and not turning it away because "it's not running". And, of course, as I do every year, I'm asking for more patience :)

I wish to all of you to reach all of your goals!!! Thank you for following me through all this nonsense :)

Running, You're My Rock

2010-12-08T12:34:00.005-06:00

What are ya'll up to? Training for marathons? PR'ing? Pushing your limits that much further?

Well, today, I received permission to do one-legged calf raises. It's been 3.5 months since my surgery, and I can do 3 calf raises on my "surgerated" leg.

Boo-ya!

You all have officially accomplished nothing.

***I*** can do calf raises.

Suck on that, friends.

Haha, I kid. I kid.

And next week I have my 16 week check up with the doc, and he'll tell me whether...

***drumroll***

...I can exercise on the elliptical!

HA! Puts your marathon training in perspective, doesn't it?

:-D

Anyway, silliness aside, I'm making progress every day. I'm out of the "babying" stage. I can handle more exercise. I'm building muscle. It.Feels.Awesome.

More importantly, the thoughts of running crawl back into my head. Running seems more possible, more real, more tangible.

But I'm not getting carried away. I know my life has changed with this surgery. Good-bye long distance running (must respect the second chance at having an active life that this surgery gave me). Hello, short-distance triathlon.

I CANNOT WAIT!!!

Like a true running addict, I'm already dreaming of that sweet 5K you get to do after a swim and a bike in a sprint-tri. Aaaahhhh.

Like a true running addict, I'm bargaining with the running gods. "I'll do anything you want... I'll bike, I'll swim, I'll lift weights and do yoga. Just please let me run again."

But, again, I don't get carried away. First of all, it's hard to. The rankle lets me know immediately if it's not happy. Second of all, duh, I had surgery, and life has changed. The primary goal is health.

Balancing this logical desire for a healthy life and the irrational, insatiable craving for the sport of long-distance running is like... well... like balancing a large rock against a tiny feather on a scale. Good luck to me! HAHA!

I suppose the desire for long-distance running is the rock in this analogy because of its significant pull, and the feather is the elusive health.

I need to lay off the rock to keep my health.

HA! GET IT? The rock. Like crack-cocaine. The addict. GET IT?!

This entry is too profound for words. You ponder.

Ulyana out.

Getting Back to Dreaming

2010-11-29T17:37:00.003-06:00

Around the last time I posted, it seemed I was finally back into the groove of things. Regular short walks, yoga twice a week, weights.

But, unexpectedly, I fell into a slump.

I don't know why it was so unexpected. I should know by now. It's all up and down, up and down.

Hmm, how can I best describe this "down" without just saying that "it sucked"?

You could say I overdid it. But in my defense, my PT told me to start challenging my balance on my surgerated leg in yoga (yes, surgerated, add it to your vocab). So I went for it. At first it was incredible... but then...

You know how you have a hard run and then you really hurt not the next day, but two days after?

I think this is what happened with me and my walks and yoga. It was fun for a few days, and then - ouch!

All these attemps to "challenge my balance". Well, I certainly succeeded.

So, I took two weeks from yoga and walking. (Insert Thanksgiving and jeans a size larger, haha!)

It was becoming kinda dreadful. Every morning would start with limping and asking myself "When, when, when will my leg start feeling better?"

Well, apparently, TODAY!

I woke up and walked staight from the bed into the bathroom half-asleep, NOT limping. The thoughts of running, which I've been blocking so as not to get too down on myself and my inability to lead an active life, started to pop up here and there. I opened my reader. Race reports, plans for 2011, and so much more. And then I looked at my post about how I plan to get back to running. Oh, that's right, I almost forgot that I should be jogging some time in March.

Up and down, up and down. This is another "up". I'm glad to be here :)

If I could, I'd dance.

2010-11-10T16:01:00.003-06:00

Hello, and here I am. I know, I know, it's been a while. But here I am.

The last time I wrote was October, and we are now rapidly approaching mid-November. What the heck?

Time flies fast, but I'm excited. Holidays are coming up. The cold air that smells like winter. And, guess what, I get to walk.

I am 12 weeks post-op. I'm biking regularly, my gait is almost back to normal, and I started to walk 10-20 mins a day for exercise. I'm ahead of the curve by about 4 weeks (just counting my blessings, I swear I'm not bragging).

Besides returning to a fully independent life style, I've reached one very important milestone.

Remember this HAPPY.SAD. post? Today it dawned on me that I haven't felt either the extreme high or the extreme low thanks to my ankle for quite some time. No endorphine high because I made TEN STEPS ON MY OWNS, and no drops in the mood because "ugh, how many more weeks of this crap?".

I just might have an extremely high "high" because I haven't had an extrememly high "high" in like extremely forever!!!!

I kid. I kid.

Oh, this feeling of evenness. I love it. Give me a couple more weeks, and I'll dance to celebrate it :)

Prescription Triathlete

2010-10-27T12:27:00.000-05:00

I tried triathlons last year in order to take my mind off running. My friend died in a marathon that we ran together, and ever since then it was tough to get back into the swing of things. At first, I had to force myself to keep running, and, when the desire to run returned, my body just would not cooperate. I gained weight, I was losing speed, and, to top it all off, I was getting injured. It was time to try something new. Thus, triathlons.

My triathlon stint was super fun, but short. I had to re-learn how to bike, I've never swam before, and, as I mentioned above, my running suuuucked (especially since I was so new to running off the bike). By the time I started to feel like I could finally kick some sort of ass in triathlons, it was time to begin training for Houston marathon. **THE** marathon where I'd finally qualify and get my running mojo back.

We all know how that went.

***insert a photo of ulyana post-op on crutches***

***sorry, you have to imagine it***

Anyway, fast forward to today. 10 weeks post-surgery. I'm out of the boot!!!! WALKING! I've got a few more days of relying on my crutch, but then I'm free!

And you know what the doc said?

"Come back in 6 weeks, and we'll see if we can get you started on running"

I was like... WHAT????!!!

uh...

WHAT????!!!!

And he goes (I'm paraphrasing, of course, but not exaggerating!!), "You are one of the best patients I've ever had in terms of your recovery. I do a ton of these surgeries, and it's not an easy surgery to recover from and get back to running. So, you will get back to running. However, it cannot be the only form of exercise that you do every day, etc. You'll have to become a triathlete."

Ok, doc, if I **HAVE** to, fine, I guess, I'll do it. But totally because I have to.

HAHA! :-D

This is great news. Unbelievable. Thank you.

...

Jebus, you read this post, and it's like some movie trailer.

DESPITE ALL ODDS

uuuuuuuuuuuh (you know, that famous sound effect)

ULYANA

uuuuuuuuuuuh

OVERCOMES

uuuuuuuuuuuh

ALL ODDS

uuuuuuuuuuuh

RETURNS TO TRIATHLONS

uuuuuuuuuuuh

coming to theaters near you THIS FRIDAY

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

...

My Plan of Attack

2010-10-19T12:54:00.002-05:00

I'm ready to begin planning how I will get back to running.

I know, I can't even walk yet. It's only been 9 weeks since a major surgery on my ANKLE! Not some elbow. And I want to run???

Well, that whole stage of "will I?"/"won't I" is over. I can spend years guessing whether or not I'll run again. I can spend even more time writing myself off and dooming myself to a life of "taking it easy". Bottom line, if I don't plan to get back to running, it just plain won't happen.

So, let's get this bs out of the way. Ulyana WILL run again. Period.

Now, moving on.

I want to set some general running milestones:

#1 - Start jogging at 6-month mark post-surgery, which will be March 2011 (my PT said that it's not that unusual, especially if a person is healing as quickly and as well as I am)
#2 - Start running very short distances on a regular basis after 1-year mark, which will be September 2011
#3 - Work my way up to racing a 5K by 2-year mark, which will be September 2012.

I will always re-evaluate these goals. It all depends on how I heal.

Short-term goals:

#1 - Physical therapy every day! Re-build my right leg's muscles to match left leg.
#2 - Cycling - as often as I can, within limits prescribed by my PT.
#3 - Yoga - 2-3 times a week
#4 - Weight & core training - 2 times a week

Alright, it's time to get to work.

Have a good one, everybody!

HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD. HAPPY. SAD.

2010-10-11T17:39:00.000-05:00

Eh, this is a hard week. The kind of a week where it feels like I'm not just getting nowhere but am actually moving backwards.

This is all emotional nonesense, of course. But it's up and down, up and down, and up and down all the time with this thing.

Now that I am "walking" (quotations are there because I can't put all my body weight on the ankle and have to support myself with one or both crutches) and "biking" (quotations are there because I do it in the boot, on a stationary bike, with no resistance), my ankle is acting out. All my muscles are sore, the ankle is soooo swollen, and my range of motion has diminished.

Logic, common sense, and experience all say, "Calm down, sweetie... This is normal! You haven't walked in almost 2 months, of course it'll hurt now! In just a week, you'll get used to your new walking/biking state, and you'll feel like a million bucks. The swelling, tightness, and soreness will disappear. YOU KNOW IT! To get better, you have to earn it. It doesn't come easy! Keep doing your exercises, and everything will fall into place!"

My "sensi" side goes, "That's a great speech, thanks, but HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF THAT ANKLE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! It will NEVER, EVER get better! Somebody help! How will I go on? This is so tragic!" And then it faints.

Yeah.

You guys, and it's always like that. I am ankle-bi-polar.

The worst thing is that I can't control it. It's like all my emotions are in my ankle.

At my 2-week check-up, I tripped and fell while entering the doctor's office (who does that?). I couldn't stop crying for almost 15 minutes (can you believe that? what am I - five years old?). After I calmed down, my leg was taken out of the cast for the first time since surgery, and the doctor asked me to move my foot up and down. It didn't move much, but the tingly sensation in the joint almost made me faint. I was told to lie down because I started to sway side to side with my entire body. When we left the doctor's office, I was giddy like a moron because I got the news that everything is okay with the ankle. 1st - crying, 2nd - fainting, 3rd - giddy. All within an hour.

Last week, at my 7-week check-up, I was allowed to start walking. It was the same kind of thing. The tingling sensation in my ankle sent me from a well-balanced state to wanting to squeel like a pig with all the joy that my heart couldn't contain. Each time I'd put weight on my right ankle whille walking, I'd feel more and more light headed, ecstatic, and high.

I'm telling ya, it's not me... it's the ankle. If I get so high when I start walking, no wonder I feel so low when the ankle is acting out. It's just this emotional rollercoaster is wearing me out. I'm used to physical extremes - you know, hard core track workouts, 40-60 mile weeks, running marathons. But swinging from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other within seconds because I wiggled my toes??? That, my friends, is ridiculous.

SOMEBODY HELP! THIS WILL NEVER END! THIS IS SO TRAGIC!

***faints***

Oh, I'm just playing.

It's all good. I just thought I'd share this part of my recovery.

Little steps forward. Literally.

2010-10-06T12:34:00.002-05:00

Today is one of those days that gives me incredible hope that I'll run again. After all, whether or not I can run in the future, depends entirely on how well I heal. And I'm healing so, so well!

Part of it is the work I do. I'm constantly in the "physical therapy" state. Leg lifts in all directions, work with an elastic band, range of motion exercises, work with a muscle stimulating machine (through electrical current... nice, right?), and yoga. Another part is what God gave ya. There is only so much work and positive thinking I can do to promote cartilage growth, right?

So, today, I received more assurance that whatever I'm doing with what God gave me is working out.

The doc said I'm healing very fast! About 85% healing, and I'm in top 2% with the range of motion that I gained back since surgery. I got an "attagirl"... I guess that translates to an A+?

(yes, I'm a huge nerd)

And what do you get for being an "attagirl"?

You get to walk.

YES, I'm now WALKING!!!!! Well, I'm still supporting my body with both crutches, I'm still in the boot, but both of my feeth are on the ground, so I guess that means I'm walking with crutches. I'll take that.

After the doctor's appointment, I went to PT and got more great news. I can now bike!!!!! In my boot, on the trainer, with no resistance, no more than 20 mins a day. But, if you ask me, that still qualifies as biking.

So, all is good with me, and I hope all is good with y'all.

Closer and Closer to Normal Life

2010-10-04T00:45:00.001-05:00

With the surgery that I had on my right ankle, you are prescribed a 6-week non-weight-bearing (NWB) period. If you are healing without any complications, at 6 weeks you should be ready to start putting weight on the operated leg and re-learn how to walk.

My NWB period has been extended to 7 weeks because my doctor was partying hard on his honeymoon at the 6-week mark and wasn't available to green-light my next step toward a walking life.

But my body is so, so, so ready to get walking.

There are many signs. I'm already driving like I've never had surgery (not just without any pain, but I also simply don't think about my ankle when I'm at the wheel). When I sit at my desk at work, I'm without my boot and can rest my foot on the floor without any discomfort. The ankle & foot can generally handle more pressure and weight. I can put some weight on the toes (allowed by the doctor, I promise), which makes everything - from washing my face to cooking - so much easier because I don't need to balance on just my left leg.

The progress is due to physical therapy and yoga.

With physical therapy, it felt like an uphill battle at first (and still does, to be honest). It's very counter intuitive. You don't wait for things to heal and start your exercises when you feel great. Vice versa. You work through pain and tightness to re-gain the lost range of motion and strength. Today - you work, you work, you work. Tomorrow - your leg is more swollen and you need to work harder to re-gain what you gained the day before and then work more to progress further.

But then, as if out of nowhere, it all clicks. The gains that seemed to last for just one day become permanent.

Yoga is something else completely. Well, yoga on one leg. I go to Bikram yoga, and, as some of you might know, it's a set sequence of postures. So, each class is the same, and they are certainly not customized to my "condition".

Why go if I can't do every posture? To me, the sequence provides a framework. A framework that lets me keep track of every single little improvement in my wellbeing. It migtht be something simple - like being able to sit on the floor without propping my leg on a towel. Or, something bigger - like holding the "standing head to knee" posture longer than everyone else in the room (granted, I can only do half of the postures since I can stand on my left leg only):

Plus, I remember where I was before the surgery. The progress I made while completing the 60-day challenge and then practicing yoga regularly. I want to get back to that, so I'll keep going to the studio and re-gain that strength, flexbility, and balance.

Hot yoga also helps tremendously with swelling. It's like magic. After spending the night in the hot room, the next day, I wake up with a brand new leg. (Uh, relatively speaking, of course... I did have surgery, after all).

You see, I can't run, so I'm competing with myself in PT and yoga. And this Wednesday, I have an appointment with the doc to see if I can finally get started on working my way up to walking. I'm preparing for this appointment like it's going to be a race. I'll be in top shape. My ankle will have minimal swelling, near perfect range of motion, and, gosh darn it, the X-ray will show healing way ahead of the curve. If this were an actual running race, I'd place ;)

Little Victories. Little Miracles.

2010-09-29T12:47:00.000-05:00

You guys.
Today.
For the first time since surgery (which was 6 weeks ago).
I drove my car.
BY MYSELF.

Six weeks of being driven around... and today, a breath of independence.

I'm still giddy.

To paraphrase a quote from Scrubs, "I love this moment so much, I wanna cheat on all the other moments, marry this one, and raise a family of little moments with it!"

Or, better yet, I liked driving by myself so much, I wanna take it behind middle school and get it pregnant.

Anyway, what's more important than anything is that I drove completely pain free. Actually, moving my ankle around and putting slight pressure on the pedals felt PLEASANT.

A little victory. And certainly a miracle because... duh... I have no pain!

And where did I take myself on this solo driving trip? Well, to see my awesome physical therapist, who is a....

RUNNER!

Per instructions of my PT, I'm still completely non-weight-bearing for another week (not considering the slight amount of weight I put on my foot when I drive). My doctor wasn't available this week to take an x-ray and evaluate whether the implanted bone & cartilage are being integrated the right way. The doc goes and decides to get married and have his honeymoon just when it's time for my 6-week check-up. HOW SELFISH! Right? Un-be-li-va-ble.

Better safe than sorry, so I'm okay with one more week non-weight-bearing.

Besides me driving, there is also another wonderful piece of news. My PT said that it's not that unusual to be jogging at a 6-month mark after my surgery, which will be in 4.5 months, and I should definitely get there with no problems based on my recovery.

HOLY COW!!!!!

First off, a deep breath of air. "Jogging" means "capable of jogging and should have no pain". It doesn't mean running slowly every or every other day, and it certainly does not mean competitive running. That's still way off, as anticipated. (And will not happen unless I achieve 100% healing in the bone/cartilage/joint/etc).

But still. I'm excited. All I have to do is heal (a "small" task, right?). So I'm sending super positive brain waves to my ankle. Like, "heal, bitch, or I'll murder you". Or, something like that.

That, and I'm being a rock star at physical theraphy (doing all my homework, rebuilding muscle and regaining range of motion in the ankle) and at yoga (hello, flexibility).

Have a good one, everyone!

Crutchtacular. Yeah.

2010-09-27T12:00:00.000-05:00

In three days, it will be six weeks since I got my surgery. WOW. It's been a month and a half already.

In three days, I will start - very freaking slowly and gradually - putting weight onto my leg. My PT even said that pretty soon he'll get me started on biking and swimming!!!!!!!!!

I. AM. SO. EXCITED!

And I just started to get used to this one-legged, crutchtacular existence. For example, this past Saturday, we went shopping at the mall. Imagine the distance I covered on crutches??? And I guess I didn't get enough of chafing under my armpits because we did it all again on Sunday (different mall, different stores). I would so not attempt this even a week ago.

Funny how that worked out. Just when I'm close to getting comfortable on these horrid things, it's time to move on and learn to walk!

I guess I'll have to get a cane soon, which I'll also hate passionately, and when I'm about to get used it, it'll be time to learn to walk independently.

Soooooo, it looks like in a couple of weeks, I'll be able to get into a new groove: swimming, biking, yoga, and weights.

One day, running will be a part of the mix.

Soon. Soon.

Well, in a year or two... But oh man, it will be glorious.

I have to admit that I feel a bit delusional when I think or say that I'll run again. Because on one hand, I know "for sure". Not "I have a good feeling about my recovery", but "I know for sure". I know my joint will heal, I know my leg will return to its normal shape from this skinny pathetic thing that it is right now, I know I'll race, I know I'll train hard, I know I'll place at races some day. Somehow I know. But, on the other hand, I can't prove it, right? I don't "know" know... but then I do "know" know.

Yeah. Think about that one for a minute.

Anyway, life is good.

Run for me, will ya?

2010-09-17T08:02:00.002-05:00

I can't remember the last time I had to take one of my "happy pills", but today I just had to pop two. I think I've been making so much progress, the pain decided to remind me of my limits. And I'm not talking about aleve, tylenol, or advil... it's the doctor-prescribed codein-based poison that I took. It's 7 am, and I'm already high. What a way to start a day.

I will write so many creative emails today at work!!!! And then I'll color-code all of my spreadsheets! Watch out!

This might be the drugs talking, but can I say this? I'm so proud of how well I'm doing!!!! Yeah, a self-pat on the back. Self-high-five!!!

It's just I've got into a good exercise routine, the kind I didn't think I'd be able to accomplish while on crutches.

Monday & Thursday - GYM. I work my upper body out on the machines and then hang out on my yoga mat on the floor, doing abs, back, and leg strengthening exercises.
Tuesday & Saturday - BIKRAM YOGA. The support of my fellow yogis is quite awesome. People get so excited when you show up at the studio on crutches. A couple of people said they feel inspired to work harder. Tee hee, but the joke's on them!!!! What they don't know is that doing yoga with this "obstacle" is actually much easier than when you've got both legs. That's because, with one leg, you can't do all the postures and you also can't exert yourself to your fullest potential. So, people think you are making this huge accomplishment when, really, they are the ones accomplishing so much more. I say, it's a win-win. They inspire me to keep coming, and I inspire them to work harder.

I know it'll be a long time before I can run, but I can't help it but think about how what I'm doing right now will make me a stronger runner when I can do it again. In the meantime, I have to live vicariously through others. My co-worker is training for a half-marathon, and yesterday she ran four miles at lunch for me. That's how it works, right?

A New Blog!

2010-09-15T17:01:00.000-05:00

Dear friends! This running blog is slowly but surely becoming very non-running in nature. I really would like to write more about my recovery. Yoga will play a huge role in how fast and how well I recover. Sooooooooooooo, in order to preserve this blog as a running blog, I'm taking my yoga/healing/recovery blabberings ovah heah: Yoga Edition.

It's a baby blog, not quite set up and oh so lonely. So will you follow me? Pretty please? If yoga bores you to tears, I get it! I'll definitely check back here with my "hey, I can walk!", "hey, I can jog!" and "oh snap, I ran my first mile!" announcements. Just be patient with me cause it'll take a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time :)

Love ya'll!

The Mandatory Post-Surgery Cheesy "YAY, I'm recovering!" Post

2010-09-12T14:19:00.009-05:00

It's been three weeks since I've had my surgery. I'm recovering well. The swelling is gone. My range of motion is almost back where it was before the surgery. Just three more weeks, and I'll be allowed to put weight on my leg. Oh, goodness, I just can't wait until the moment I can get rid of my crutches. I think I'll put them in the middle of a road and drive over them with my car to celebrate that occasion.

And all I can think of is how the recovery is nowhere as difficult as dealing with a nagging injury for many years and nowhere as frustrating as that moment when you have to stop running because the pain is too much. It's like a cancerous spot was removed from my joint, and my body is ecstatic to heal and recover. I can fully curl my toes, I can draw circles in the air with my foot, and I can put a bit of weight on my toes. All with no pain. Soon, I'll be walking.

After this surgery, I see how ridiculous it was of me to write myself off, to doom myself to a life of no running, a life of low-impact activity. A "low impact life". LOL. Sounds depressing.

But I would do that to myself. I'd project the pre-surgery pain I was feeling far into the future, far into a non-running life I imagined I'd have because someone somewhere said my surgery was far too serious and the damage to the joint was far too extensive. I would write off any success stories I'd read because, honestly, the recent bumps in my running life didn't quite spell "success", and who's to say I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'd think of the new hobbies I could take up, and then I'd realize that, to me, running is not a hobby. Running is my passion, and passion is a bitch because you don't find it, it finds you, and so I'd feel even more stuck.

I thought I was being realistic while, really, I was being immature and overly dramatic.

All that is making me laugh now. I've dealt with this pain for SO. MANY. YEARS. And just three weeks ago, they broke my leg to get to my joint, replaced damaged bone & cartilage with that from a cadaver, and here I am - itching to walk because, damn it, I'm tired of these non-weight-bearing exercises that only show me that I can do so much more.

Let's summarize.

SO. MANY. YEARS.
three weeks

But, of course, I know that it won't be all peachy all the time. All the things that suck about not being able to walk or stand on both legs still suck. There are ups and downs. Like, yesterday, at my third Bikram yoga class after surgery, I got tired of feeling like a crooked tripod, so I lied down and let a few tears escape. It's okay, nobody saw. It's a room full of red, sweaty faces, anyway. I cried and moved on. And today, I'm miles ahead of where I was yesterday.

Fussy Baby

2010-08-31T07:22:00.003-05:00

I've entered the Fussy Baby stage of the recovery. I didn't think it existed either. Apparently, it's right in between denial (this isn't going to be hard!) and anger (i hope that my crutches and boot burn in hell!).

Although, I think I'm approaching the anger stage pretty rapidly. If my crutches fall one more time while resting peacefuly against a wall, a desk, or another solid structure - completely freaking untouched - my eyeballs will catch on fire. I swear. Today was the last straw. I was sitting quietly, eating my breakfast, the crutches resting against the counter. I was minding my own business, not making eye contact with the crutches, and they were minding their own business. And then, to spite me, they go and, first very slowly and then at the speed of light, slide to the side and crash loudly on the floor, prompting my husband to yell from another room: "BABY, ARE YOU OK?"

I will be once I bend each crutch in half with my bare hands.

Anyway, the Fussy Baby stage is characterized primarily by the fact that you are always uncomfortable. Your body just aches from all the hopping, being on crutches, and balancing on one leg. I know, cry me a river. But, honestly, it's not the inconveniences that I mind, it's the fact that my muscles are so annoyed with the new lifestyle, they are acting out.

5 mins of sitting down - the butt falls asleep, need to readjust
5 mins of lying on my back - the back falls asleep, need to readjust
5 mins of lying on the side....

Oh, you get the point.

And then my ankle - the one that got operated on - decides to come out of its coma. It's not numb any more. It's tingly. And, it's a good sign. YAY for recovery! Only now that there is feeling and sensation in this area - in the area that's trapped in this heavy, suffocating boot - the ankle starts falling asleep. BUT I CAN'T MOVE IT TO WAKE IT UP!

Ah, the irony of ironies, the twist of twists.

It's ok, though, the spirits are up, and I'm feeling great.

Hope everyone's having a great week!

Before I forget..........

2010-08-26T12:00:00.001-05:00

... the boot is really heavy

... i have bruises on my armpits thanks to the crutches

... i have many very nice people around me, who make this so much easier

... my husband thinks i am hard core, and he's impressed with how well i can take care of myself on my own
...my secret is my awesome husband

... i can shower on my own
...to do that, i wrap my leg in two garbage bags and i sit on a shower chair
... showing on a chair is really awesome actually... i don't get it why it's not common practice among the "able bodied"

... i like wiggling my toes
...some people don't get to do that for a long time after this surgery
...i remember distinctly the moment my pinky toe came to life
...for some reason, that moment gives me hope that i'll have a speedy recovery

... i have minimal pain

... i'm certain i will reach 100% healing

... i'm very fortunate... i never forget it... but at times like this, i appreciate it that much more

... the biggest hassle is not being able to carry something from one room to another while on crutches

... my left leg is surprisingly strong
...i credit that to bikram and sunstone yoga

... i will take it slow, follow all doctor's instructions, do all my physical therapy "homework", and i will reach 100% healing before i undertake any high-impact activity (that's my oath to myself because i'm already getting excited about all the possibilities once i've got my legs back)

... the doc said 6 months until I'm feeling normal again
...as in, a normal looking leg, and me being able to walk normally... but no high impact activities, such as running, of course...

... 100% healing means that my cartilage inside the joint has healed completely
...in half a year, i'll start feeling like the old me, wanting to run, but i will have to be patient and wait until my cartilage is rock solid
...that might take several years!

... i will listen to my body every step of the way

Crutches are a Statement of Cool

2010-08-25T11:45:00.004-05:00

First of all, thank you all for all the "get well's" and "welcome back's" in response to my last post. I am so happy the surgery has finally happened and that I'm on my way to full recovery. Every day I'm doing better. I don't depend on pain killers as much, and I can wiggle my toes.

WIGGLE MY TOES!

Next thing you know, I'm BQ'ing.

It's beautiful is what it is.

Oh, and my bad on how vague my last post was on the whole "when I got the surgery" thing. I was drugged out of my mind and completely forgot to mention that the surgery was last week on Thusday, August 19. So, that post was written one day post-op. If you ask me, I swear I wrote it the day of the surgery. That's because in my mind, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday are all one big great day of sleep. I slept 90% of the time (not exagerrating), sort of falling into senseless, sweaty coma each time my eyes would close.

Although I slept all the time, I've got some observations.

Observation #1. Pain killers kill your digestive system. As in, it stops working. You can't digest food and neither can you drop the kids off at the pool. Only some industrial-strength, doctor-prescribed laxative could clear up the situation. Now I'm trying to stop taking pain killers altogether because it's just plain poison. And apparently, it's common knowledge. Everyone knows this! Why don't I know these basic things, so that I could be somewhat prepared?

Observation #2. When you are on crutches, people stare A LOT. It's kinda akward.

Ok, this observation needs special attention.

I thought being on crutches is super cool. If you are on crutches, you obviously must have done something super awesome. Like you went snowboarding and had a serious accident, or you flew off your bike, or you danced... HARD... or you got an osteochondral allograft transplant in your ankle (like me). That's pretty awesome. It simply screams "I've done some hard core things in my life".

So, at the very least, you should get a look of admiration.

Instead, people get weirded out. They don't make eye contact, they stare at your boot, and they keep exactly three feet distance away from you.

For example, on Sunday, I went to get a haircut (which was a horrible idea because I was so drugged up, I couldn't see myself clearly in the mirror, and afterwards I was so exhausted and had to seelp even more!). The hairdresser would nervously dance around me, and when she'd walk past my boot, she'd mutter, "Let me step over here so I don't hurt you".

Yet, just a moment ago, she wouldn't come close to me to keep the chair from spinning as I tried - very akwardly, while balancing on one let - to sit down on it.

Um, it's okay! I really don't bite.

I just beat you bloody with my crutches.

Holy crap, now if you have a permanent disability, you've got to deal with the panic in the eyes of others on an everyday basis! It's like we evolve, and evolve, and evolve, and yet we get nowhere.

Sexy on Crutches

2010-08-20T09:02:00.005-05:00

And so I finally had my surgery.

My blog turned into a record of broken promises over the last few months. That made me not want to write at all. I just couldn't stand to write about yet another "want", "plan", "desire", "to do", and then return here and report that none of it happened.

Let's recap.

December 2008. I'm in awesome shape. I'm about to run a marathon, certain I'd qualify. Yet, I get sick, walk the last few miles, and finish in over 4 hours. And then I learn that my friend, who also ran that marathon, didn't even make it to the finish line, but collapsed and died on the course. Fuck.

Spring 2009. I promise myself (and you guys) that I'll run a marathon. Well, the grief took over yet again, and I DNS. I made up some bullshit on here about how I had a family emergency, but something tells me 90% of you saw through my BS. It was a hard time, I lost a friend, and running a marathon wasn't a promise I could keep.

Fall 2009. Yet again, to honor my friend, I register for Houston marathon. We both wanted to run it in 2008, but missed out because that marathon fills up quick. So, it was like I was taking Erin to run Houston. I didn't care so much about qualifying. It was about running... finally running a marathon after that disaster... Yet, an old ankle injury kept surfacing, and I had to stop running. Another DNS. Another broken promise.

2010. Throughout this year, I was dealing with injuries. I got the news that I had to get surgery on my ankle. Again, races cancelled. Failed attemps at exercise. Fighting to get the surgery scheduled while the insurance company would keep denying it.

It was time to step aside, sit quietly, and wait.

Quiet waiting paid off. Finally, I had my surgery. Never thought I'd say this, but it was a wonderful, even "FUN", experience. I had the most caring nurses in the world. A couple of times post-op I cried heavily (completely involuntarily) because of the horrible pain in my ankle, and the support I received was incredible. I felt so loved.

My husband was just amazing. He was there for me the whole time. And he takes such good care of me at home. I don't know what I would do without him.

The surgery day was wrapped up with my mom and my sister visiting me. It was all very sweet.

I'm finally on my way to real healing. A journey back to an active (hopefully, running) life.

Love you all!

Can't wait to change the subject

2010-07-06T11:05:00.003-05:00

I'm pretty sure that my rankle (right ankle) is retarded. It hurts more from standing and walking than it ever did from running. Case in point - on my birthday, on June 9, my husband and I went to a concert. So, that's what? About 3-4 hours of standing?

It took me THREE weeks to recover from that. Three weeks for the rankle to stop hurting on an every day basis.

Now, I'm back to "normal". As in, it doesn't hurt all the freaking time and I can exercise (even if it's limited)!

What I've done last week:

Wed - elliptical (30 mins), weights & core
Fri - stationary bike (30 mins), weights & core
Sun - elliptical (10 mins), core

What I've done this week:

Mon - bike trainer (30 mins), yoga (20 mins)

Tonight - swimming. Through the end of the week, I'll pretty much continue exercising the same way. Biking & elliptical - as the rankle permits; weights & core - 2-3 times a week; and swimming - 3 times a week (didn't swim last week at all b/c the pool was closed!!!!).

Sooooooooooo, I'm on a roll.

Honestly, waiting for this surgery is way more exhausting than the recovery will be. I'm certain of that. I've been struggling with my ankle for years. At the end of last year, it became unbearable. This entire year, I'm waiting for the surgery (first, it was making the decision to have the surgery and going to all the doctors, now it's fighting with the insurance company to actually get the surgery). All in all, it's been a looong time. I'd say 4 years from the moment the ankle started bothering me (back when I thought it was an achilles problem and going to hot yoga would give me a temporary fix) to now.

FOUR YEARS.

So, in comparison, how big of a deal is being in a boot for three months after the surgery? If you ask me, it's an itty, bitty, tiny deal. It'll probably take me a year to two years to reach 100% healing (damn cartilage doesn't heal fast), which - again - is nothing when you think about the last four years.

Alright, that's my rankle speech for the day! Have a good one, everyone!

Some Sort of Racing This Summer

2010-06-30T10:20:00.004-05:00

Hello, my dearest friends! How is life treating ya?

I fell off the face of the earth once again. But I have a good excuse!

My husband and I went to Colorado! Here are some pretty views from the Estes Park:

This is meeeeeeeeeeeee on the next photo! (At 139 lbs. I was thinking of posting the before pictures, the ones where I'm 8 lbs heavier, and I decided not to. They just sadden me so much! HAHA!)

The trip to Colorado really got me fired up about exercise again! I mean, all that people do there is run/bike/swim/climb/etc.

My rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrankle doesn't let me do much (that bitch). Running and biking are on hold. But I can sorta swim.

Soooooooooo, I'm going to do three swimming races this summer, like this:

July 17 - 750 meters
August 7 - 750 meters
August 28 - 1500 meters

I'm very excited! Please wish me luck, because I haven't swam in like fifteen forevers. And it won't be real racing, but it's the lowest impact activity for me now!

WOO HOO!

Spilling Some of the Beans

2010-06-21T10:52:00.003-05:00

I won't spill all of them because it's just too damn early to say anything about some of the beans, but I'll share two things that seem (that's "SEEM") to be about to happen.

Numero UNO:

I HAVE ALMOST LOST 10 LBS since the start of this year!

I have one more pound to go, and when I drop it like it's hot, I'll post the before/after pictures. I'll probably need about two weeks to get there (or, which is a much "healthier" option, not drink water for 2 days... I haven't yet decided which approach to take, lol).

Numero DOS:

Man, oh man, lovely Jill at Finishing is Winning, has got some kind of sixth sense. She guessed correctely in my last post why the heck I'm so excited.

MY HUSBAND AND I MIGHT LIVE TOGETHER starting this next school year.

I know I've written about this already. But I've known my man for 7 years. We've been married for more than 2.5 years.

Number of years lived together?

Zero.

But it looks like he'll get a job where I live. Things are looking up. And if it doesn't happen, it'll be a true shock. So shocking that I'll probably go on a drinking binge for a week. But, like I said, things are looking up, so I'm excited. We just might start living together like those normal, boring couples.

This is a bunch of "almosts" and "maybes". But, phew. It feels nice to share. YAY for good things happening! :)

Better than a lemon

2010-06-19T18:12:00.003-05:00

You guys.

Life has thrown me an orange, and I've got to make yummy orange juice.

Better yet... Life has thrown me a recipe for the yummiest cheesecake in the world, and I've got to go make it.

My surgery? The lack of running?

That would be a lemon.

And I'm trying very hard to make lemonade, but life is funny in that when it throws a lemon at you, if you pay attention, there are two oranges flying straight at your face. Or two cheesecake recipes.

Good things are happening. No, it's not running-related. And no, I'm not pregnant. Or whatever it is that could be big news at this point in a 20-something's life. It's just non-running, and I can't write about it much at all (you may throw a rock at me for being vague)... I just thought I'd throw it out there.

All the excitement, that is! So you can be like "I don't know what happened, but I feel so good I wanna jump!"

Experiments With My Patience

2010-06-16T11:30:00.001-05:00

My ankle surgery has been denied by my insurance company (Humana) because they deemed it experimental. I swear, they are talking about it like I'm curious to see if my ankle can sprout wings, or, I don't know, grow an 11th toe.

Humana wouldn't deem it experimental IF:

1) They really did take the time to read my file and learned how extensive the damage is in my ankle.

As you can imagine, the ankle joint is a small one. It's even smaller if you were born with an affliction called female genitalia. Oh, I'm just being silly! It's not because of the genitalia, it's because of the smaller brain that it stands to reason that we, girls, are smaller in size. HA! JAY-KAY!

In short, in a small joint, even tiny damage is damage enough.

My problem is I have a very large piece of dying cartilage in my right ankle joint. Doctors consider lesions of 10 mm x 10 mm to be large. My lesion is 25 mm x 20 mm. That's about an inch in diameter. Now, think again about the size of the ankle joint. With my injury, that's almost 50% of the ankle joint being damaged.

You can do three things to try to fix it: 1) go into the joint and drill holes in the damaged area to create mini-fractures and promote blood flow and healing; 2) replace damaged cartilage with the cartilage pulled from your other joints; and 3) replace damaged cartilage with that obtained from a cadaver.

The doctor proposed the 3rd procedure. #1 and #2 are appropriate for smaller injuries, and if you do these two procedures on the injury of my size, you run a much greater risk of not healing properly and having to return for multiple surgeries.

How many people in the audience like irony??? Raise your hand!

Here's the irony. The insurance says - hey, we can only approve #1 and #2, because #3 is experimental. But what could be more experimental than going in for the heck of it inside a joint to see if two inappropriate procedures could work?????

Um, it's all about the benjamins, Ulyana. Don't you know?

It's about short-term revenue targets, dumbass. No, it does not matter that two inappropriate surgeries spread over time will cost more than one appropriate. It also doesn't matter that in the long-run it's better to get me exercising sooner than later.

2) They didn't spend the last ten years in a coma.

The insurance company defines experimental as "not widely acceptable" and as "not having a high success rate". It's like they are stuck in the 1990's.

Um, wake up, HUMANA!

Forget about advancements in medicine, have you ever heard of Google? A dimwit, such as myself, (who apparently doesn't understand crap about short-term revenue targets) can do a simple search and obtain a ton of research on the appropriateness, frequency of use, and success rate of this surgery.

It IS widely acceptable. It is THE most appropriate way to address my ankle problem. And it has a HIGH success rate. You'll be getting 10 articles from my doctor detailing extensive research done over the last 10 years confirming just that.

But if "experimental" is just you misspelling "expensive", then you win.

The conclusion:

There is none. The doctor feels like he can get the surgery approved through the appeal process. I'm waiting.

I can't wait to make your life harder

2010-06-15T14:26:00.000-05:00

Hello, boys & girls. How is life over there... in the land of running, PRs, and sunshine?

Life here in the injureville is as good as it gets. I think this whole non-running lifestyle of mine really helps those around me. Here's why:

1) I don't smell, which means people don't cringe (and consequently form fewer wrinkles) when I enter the room.
2) I have lots of free time, which means when someone goes, "Hey, come hang with us!", I don't say, "Um, I've been running for 6 years, and running is a huge part of my life, it really helped me define who I am, I've ran 5 marathons, and at one of those marathons, I was just 15 seconds away from qualifying for Boston, which is my dream, so now I'm running 60-mile weeks, supplemented with lots of hot yoga and cross training, and I'm really, really, really trying to stick to my schedule, so no thanks."
3) I'm always well rested, so the first thing people say when they see me is not "WOW, you look tired!"
4) I don't just talk about running and actually express interest in things other than running. Now people don't feel akward including me in their conversations. They feel relieved because I don't list how much I ran that day or that week, how far, and how fast. And I also don't confuse them with things like "I ran so much, I'm in horrible pain, it's so wonderful!" or "I've just learned about this exciting training plan! Let me share it with you!".
5) I don't always dress in stretchy pants, technical t-shirts, and running shoes. Wow, get this. I now wear shirts... onto which I first have to put a piece of hot metal to make them as smooth as my running clothes... which come out that smooth out of the drier. Boggles the mind. And don't get me started on these non-running shoes. No reflector material sown onto in strategic places, no arch support, and no special fabric to promote the air flow. But, one benefit, is that a change in wardrobe is easier on other people's eyes.

Well, these are all the things that come to mind off the top of my head when it comes to listing all the positive ways that my non-running has affected humanity.

But, you know what?

Don't let this fool you. I'm not a good person. Those five reasons are precisely why I can't wait to run again.

A Box of Kittens, STAT!

2010-06-06T00:18:00.004-05:00

You simply must watch the video above before you read my post. It's hilarious and so, so, so fitting!

I was honestly distraught because of the first surgery cancellation. The surgery scheduler called me the night before my surgery was supposed to happen (when, at that point, it's been scheduled for SIX weeks) and lied that the insurance company denied the claim. In reality, that day was the first day she called the insurance company to try to get my surgery approved. All the while it takes two weeks for the insurance company to approve or deny the procedure and then another 4 or so weeks to go through an appeal process in case it's denied (which is exactly my case).

But, as I've said before, it's not that she didn't do her job. It's that she lied. And when she apologized, it was more along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "I'm sorry you've been inconvenienced, but I've never had this problem". If you ask me, that's bullshit.

Something tells me that a competent scheduler would know how long major insurance companies take to approve major operations and wouldn't call the day before to get it approved. Period. Also, something tells me that when a major surgery is scheduled six weeks in advance, a competent scheduler would begin the approval process exactly six weeks in advance.

Anywhoo.

The thing that I find funny is how I reacted to it all. Not the part where I was ticked off. That's justified and natural.

But the part where I felt a sense of disappointment in the human kind. Haha, I kid you not. For a moment there, I just felt helpless. People just suck sometimes, and I cannot change anything about that

And who's the opposite of people?

Animals, duh.

I know this sounds like something a second grader would write. But, funny enough, I was simply overcome with a strong, genuine desire to be around animals.

Unconditional love and no lies about your surgery - what could be better, right? (Cue in histerical laughter from the audience)

Seriously, though, my sister and I have been volunteering with an organization that goes out and rescues animals from the local animal shelter the day before they are supposed to get euthanized and also picks up animals from the streets. They then provide medical care to all the animals and then get them adopted.

In the midst of the above described despair due to deep disappointment in the human kind, I got an email about help needed with fostering kittens, and I signed up.

I signed up for the most selfish reasons. I wanted to play with little kittens. Just like in that video, it'd be my therapy. Soft, cuddly, playful kittens.

These are the guys:

I definitely didn't know what I was getting myself into. I had no clue how hard and demanding it'd be. But, more importantly, I was even more clueless as to how rewarding it'd be to rescue these guys and make them strong, happy kittens.

At first they slept 90% of the day, and you had to bottle feed them:

But it wasn't long before they learned, at first, that they can get out of the basket where they'd sleep throughout the day, and then that they can eat on their own, and then that they can jump, and play, and more.

Well, I can proudly report, that the kitten therapy has worked very well ;) I'm feeling very well and am no longer disappointed in the human kind.

(Um, cheesy post, I know, but I just couldn't help it!)

Year 2010 So Far

2010-06-02T11:21:00.005-05:00

I've been feeling kinda lazy lately. That's probably because I haven't been exercising at all.

Now that the surgery has been put off once again, I decided to take a look at what I've accomplished this year so far. I couldn't help but be overtaken by my nerdy side and create a color-coded spreadsheet with a legend.

TAH-DAAAH!

I had the audacity to group swim/bike/core/weights/etc into one group because I haven't done much of either one of those things this year.

Please note the downward trend in the total number of hours exercised per week. Gradually it went down from 14 to 1. HA!

I didn't plan the most recent break in exercise, that's just how things happened. But I must say that I realize I really needed it. And now I can't wait to get into the groove of things.

Step 1: Getting back into yoga.
Step 2: Bike/Swim/Core/Weights as needed and when possible (if the leg permits, haha, to do some of these things).

These last few weeks where I haven't really exericised have been like a much needed nap. I feel so awake right now, ready for new undertakings.

And the most clear thing to me is that I'll run again, and so I must keep in great shape now, so that when my leg is ready for it all again, my lungs, my head, my muscles are on board as well.

Remember my mom? I like her because she can just say one word, and it can turn my world around. The other day she came up to me and said, "Why are you saying these things?" I looked at her, confused, "What things?". She said, "Well, that you'll never run. Of course, you'll run. Your body will heal."

Me - speechless.

How does she do it? She doesn't go into detail, she doesn't provide a list of reasons why she is right, but somehow she makes it all sound so commonsensical. Like, DUH, it's a given that I'll run.

Alright, operation "prepare your body for running" is underway (note to self: come up with a better name for operation "prepare your body for running"). I'll report on how my yoga goes. This time I'm going to Sunstone yoga, which is also hot like Bikram, but not sooo hot, or so hard core. It's a lot less stressful. I feel like it's a better fit for me right now.

Surgery's Cancelled Once Again

2010-06-01T10:31:00.005-05:00

I'm back from one of the most wonderful weekends on the lake. See for yourself.

The view from our lake house:

My lovely sister:

Us goofing around:

Two people that make me really happy - my husband (who's making love to the house owner's bass) and my sister (with one of the kittens we are fostering):

And, oh yes, that's right, my surgery's cancelled. The insurance denied my claim. We are beginning a surgeon peer review/appeal process. It'll probably take forever.

And you know what? I'm excited. Because I'm getting my summer back. I smell travel in the air! I'll have more of these wonderful weekends, like in the pics above.

Goodness, this whole "fix the rrrrankle" ride is going to be looong, but I'm feeling strong.

Hope everyone's doing wonderful! :)

Fast Getaways

2010-05-21T10:20:00.005-05:00

Last week was quite a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Re: the lying surgery scheduler.

Completely disappointed in the human kind (oh, the drama, haha), I found myself completely at a loss the day the surgery was supposed to happen. I prepared myself for one thing - you know, being in a cast, non-weight-bearing, drugged up, with screws in my swallen leg - but suddenly my schedule was cleared of that, and I had nothing to do. Well, I was kinda ticked off because of the whole ordeal, so I didn't wanna go on with my normal life.

It was a perfect time for a getaway. An escape.

Enter a bed & breakfast on a ranch in the middle of nowhere in the beautiful Texas hillcountry. Perfect. Just trees, wild flowers, pretty skies, cows, deer, and - oh, that's right - lots of wine.

Yours truly:

Just driving away:

Pretty wild flowers:

One of the wineries:

And yet another:

A new friend we made, haha:

And back to our B&B with this view:

Life is good, what can I say?

Surgery did NOT happen. I'm LIVID.

2010-05-13T09:46:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I've been talking about the ankle and the surgery for how long? Are you sick of it yet? I know I am. I am so tired of thinking, planning, talking, and everything else about it.

I've done everything to get ready for the surgery. In fact, yesterday night, my husband was already in town after asking for two days off from work to help me, when he works pretty darn far, in a different town. I packed my entire office so I could work from home during recovery because the surgery is on my right leg, and I'll be non-weight-bearing for 6 weeks, most of which I won't be allowed to drive. Hey, and not to mention the stupid amount of money I had to PRE-PAY for the surgery.

The surgery was supposed to be this morning.

And I get a call yesterday - AFTER 5 pm - from my doctor's scheduler saying that the surgery is cancelled because "your insurance said you are ineligible and denied the claim". I thought that was strange and asked her if I should reach out to the insurance people and see what's up. She - even more strangely - urged me not to and said that she'd take care of everything herself. According to her, she'd need to start an appeals process.

Kinda beside myself, with things about this cancellation not really jiving together, I called the insurance company.

And guess what they say.

No coverage has been denied. The problem is that my doctor's scheduler called them to authorize the surgery for the first time YESTERDAY. THAT'S THE DAY BEFORE THE SURGERY. When it takes two weeks to get such procedure approved.

So, the girl at my doctor's office fucks up. Doesn't authorize the surgery. Then lies to me by blaming it on the insurance company.

I left a voicemail this morning with her supervisor, which is now two hours ago. Then a few minutes ago I followed up.

NOTHING. Not one call from that office apologizing for the inconvenience and how inconsiderate they've been. Not even a call from the doctor - who must be free right now because, if things were done properly, he'd be operating on me this exact moment.

So, let's summarize.

1) Amount prepaid to the doctor - $1,100
2) Invoice from the hospital - $850
3) Anesthisiologist - $1,500 approximate invoice, $75 paid, my portion will be about $200 more or so.
4) Clothes bought to get ready - $40
5) Bugging friends and family to support and accomodate me during this time - Hmmm, one million dollah?
6) Requesting 6 weeks to work from home - Hmmm, one million dollah?
7) Husband taking time off as a teacher at the end of the school year - Hmmm, one million dollah?
8) Muscle stimulating machine - Still don't know how much that one will be. I just love the uncertainty.
9) A machine to help with swelling and motion range - $125 already paid.
10) The time it takes from work to deal with this crap and pay all the bills, etc, etc - One million dollah!

Being lied to - priceless!

And a little update: the surgery's rescheduled for June 10th. I got a call from the scheduler girl. No one's taking responsibility for this.

No one. Not the insurance company. Not the doctor's office. I just hope when time comes, they operate on the correct leg.

Surgery's TOMORROW!

2010-05-12T00:11:00.005-05:00

Proudest moment of the day: first thing in the morning, driving to get coffee. All four windows down, Dixie Chicks blaring from the speakers. Then parking the car, not rolling the windows up, and leaving the purse with the wallet and other valuables in plain site on the front seat. 'Cause why grab the purse when I can pull just enough cash out for one cup of coffee, right? And why hide the purse? Might as well set up a stand on the street giving out my own money, credit cards, ID's, and so on.

And then the proudest moment of the day almost repeated itself later in the day, but I caught myself in time and rolled the windows up and took the purse with me.

Can you tell that something's on my mind?

Surgery is the day after tomorrow. Actually, it's already after midnight, so it's already Wednesday, so the surgery is tomorrow.

Tah.
Dah.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I'm scared and super nervous. It's so ridiculous, and I know I'm being childish. But then maybe I have a good reason to be like that. Regardless, I've never felt this scared and nervous in my entire life (probably tells ya a lot about my sheltered existence).

This manifested in the fact that I want to cry and can't. So, I listen to music that would tug on my... hmmm... crying strings?... well, just tug on something and help me find the sweet relief of tears. Sometimes it's just good to cry it out and forget about it.

Thus, Dixie Chicks.

I know. You were like: "Stupid Russian immigrants coming here stealing Murican jobs and listening to Dixie Chicks. The world's gone mad."

But no, it's much simpler than that.

Have you listened to Dixie Chicks? It's like this woman (the lead singer) is so upset over something, she must yell about it at the top of her lungs through all 14 tracks on the CD (yes, I'm apparently stuck in the pre-iPod age). Normally, I can't listen through the whole CD without getting a headache, but here I am - listening to the damn CD over and over again, and it feels right (....and kinda wrong). I don't know who did what, but I know they sure done did it, so it's time to yell it out.

I mean, listen to "It's so hard when it doesn't come easy, It's so hard when it doesn't come fast" on repeat for half an hour. It's like this woman knows what's happening in my life. SHE KNOOOOOWS. Just play that song one more time, and... oh, yes... finally, there's the tear. Sweet relief.

It's also good to scream that line over and over and over again. It's like anger management.

Oh, Ulyana, how do you sleep at night with all this mockery and sarcasm seeping out of your every pore????

Well, funny you ask. It IS after midnight, and I'm NOT sleeping. I can't sleep when normally I fall into a deep hybernation the moment my face touches a pillow. I can't cry when, oh please, if you just say "one-legged puppy", I'll be in tears. And I'm listening to Dixie Chicks.

DIXIE CHICKS!

Oh, I simply can't wait for things to get back to normal. You know, the crying, sleepy, non-DixieChicks me.

Who maybe runs???

Please wish me luck :)

DO YOU BLOG? If yes, then THANK YOU!

2010-04-30T09:42:00.005-05:00

It's tough being a 25 year old girl. In between facebook ads clearly indicating that it's time to get knocked up (by screaming at me:"MAKE YOUR OWN BABY!", "Get free baby clothes", and my favorite, because it's so logical, "Are you a mom? GO BACK TO SCHOOL with a $10K scholarship!") and all my Russian friends sending me concerned letters, worried why is it that I'm not even pregnant with my first child when it's clearly time to have two kids already. I must be barren.... after all, "the longer you wait, the harder it is to make a baby".

And then it doesn't help that my sister-in-law has two most gorgeous kids in the world. The oldest one is almost 5 years old. She's starting to develop a very fun personality with a good sense of humor. She's no longer a baby, but a kid, her own person who can connect with you and lead an interesting conversation. And the little one is 1.5 years old, and she's all smiles. I kid you not! This is the happiest kid I've ever seen in my entire life. So, every time I see them, it's like someone is coming at my ovaries with a giant bat.

Although I'm nowhere near ready to have kids, I'm starting to see that pregnancy is unavoidable. And with pre-existing conditions, such as a uteris, ovaries, and, oh yes, VAGINA, it's downright contagious.

So, in one of my deep philosophical states, I began pondering motherhood. I should be well prepared to be a mom when time comes for that.

Oh man, all the changes I'd have to go through.

Gosh.

Well, first of all, DUH, I'd have to re-name my blog. It can't be "Shaped by Running" any more because I'd be a mom first and then everything else in life. But that doesn't mean I'm not a runner.

And then a light bulb went off in my head. How awesome would it be to have a blog titled "YOU MOTHER RUNNER!"?????? Don't you think?

Feeling an incredible sense of pride... as if I just invented shoelaces... I went and googled "you mother runner" certain I could go snatch that domain, and... oh man... it turned out I am late! DAMN IT! (Should have gotten pregnant in high school, so I'd have this idea sooner.) There is already a blog with this title.

YOU MOTHER RUNNER by Jennifer Crego.

GO THERE AND READ IT! I love how she writes, and I'm addicted right now!

And what would life be without conincidences?

Jennifer is recovering right now from a surgery on achilles. Unlike me, who is goofing around half the time, she wrote really, really well about her pre-op and post-op experiences. Yesterday, when I was inhaling all her posts with the tag of "achilles surgery", I made a list of things I need to do to prepare for the journey that's ahead of me. It is ridiculous how un-prepared I am right now. So, Jennifer, thank you so much for taking time to detail everything about your surgery. You really helped me!

And there we have it. Tonight - a big shopping trip for sweats, shorts, and other comfy clothes. A bench for the bath to make showering possible. Some cheap, temporary IKEA furniture to create a workspace at home, so I could work with my leg propped up. Hmm, and many more. I've got a whole list going on.

Isn't blogging awesome??? We are helping each other even more than we know it!!!!

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!

Pun Intended

2010-04-28T11:31:00.003-05:00

Today started with me spilling a good amount of steaming hot coffee right onto my crotch as I was driving to work. The stupid me didn't put the stupid lid stupid right on the stupid coffee cup. I took it as a sign that I need to get back to blogging.

How?

Well, when I run, I feel happy, so I blog. When I drink coffee, I feel happy too, so it stands to reason I should blog. And if I'm so damn happy that I spill hot coffe on my crotch, then I should blog even more.

Lo-gi-cal is what it is.

Things I miss more and more as I'm not running:

1) BOWEL MOVEMENTS! Yeah! I did just write that. But OH.MY.GOD. I had no clue that "THAT" was connected to running so much. I mean, where the, ahem, crap did these so-called movements of the bowels go? WHERE?

2) Being able to eat things! No running, then forget about splurging. Not much to debate or discuss here. And that probably doesn't help the movements of the bowels either. Sigh.

3) BOWEL MOVEMENTS! I think I've said that one before.

WOW, so the content in this blog is going down the crapper, huh?

Oh, look at Ulyana, she's being punny.

And now you can guess why coffee makes me happy... and since I blog when I'm happy, you can guess why I'm blogging and, therefore, happy now.

BOWEL MOVEMENTS!

Ok, I'll stop.

Hope everyone's doing well. My surgery is in about two weeks! YAY! Since I'll be in a boot for three months, I'm spending time appreciating my mobility. I exercise whenever I want, doing as many different types of exercises as possible. I shop, run errands, etc, etc. I enjoy the fact that I can drive myself wherever and whenever I want (since it'll be surgery on my right ankle and I won't be allowed to put weight on it for 6 weeks, I won't be allowed to drive!).

But most importantly I'm preparing myself for an akward three-month period of hopping on one leg. I'm gathering my patience, and I'm noting all these things I take for granted because I lead an active life. For example, I rarely just stay at home to just spend time at home. I rarely just sit quietly. I always have a running/biking/swimming/yoga-ing activity I have got to make after work. I guess that's normal - I'm a young person, and, if I'm to be busy and have a full life, it is now. But, still, this surgery and the recovery from it will force me to do the things that I value in life and really need to do to be a healthy and balanced individual, but don't prioritize as highly as doing sports.

Oh, look at me, so wise. I think I'm growing up.

Now, pull my finger ;)

My Doc-tah, Ladies'n'Gentlemen!

2010-04-13T13:01:00.001-05:00

I simply cannot wait until I get the surgery. For one, I'll get to completely, and utterly guilt-free, check out mentally for a couple of days after the surgery. How often do you get to do that in real life? That's right. NEVER!

And I'll have a pretty good excuse. If anyone is giving me a hard time, I can be like: "Oh, I'm sorry, did you just get your leg bone cut open with a saw so the doctor could poke around inside your ankle joint? No, didn't think so. Do you have screws and metal plates in YOUR leg? No? Or did you just get your own cartilage replaced with that of someone who's no longer walking on this earth? Nah, didn't happen to you, did it? Or I guess you have to stay off your leg and hobble on crutches for the next six weeks? Nope, that's not it either? Well, then, go fetch me a pastry, bitch!"

Oooooh-kay, got carried away a bit there.

Also - oh man, and this is so cool - I can't wait for surgery because I'll get to park in the disabled spot at work. That's like one spot closer to the elevator from my normal parking spot. SCORE!

If you ask me, life is getting better and better.

This is, honestly, a 180 turn from my previous state, where I was afraid and didn't trust anything or anyone. I attribute this change to my new doctor. Aka, the doc-tah!

He was only the third doctor I went to, but he's a keeper. I guess I'm lucky.

How did I choose this guy?

Well, there is THE FEELING.

That's such a random reference to the show Friends. But, really, guys, in the end it's THE FEELING that solidified my decision to choose my doc-tah.

I was really choosing between two guys. Both went to great schools. Both are THE ankle specialists where I live. Both have decades of experience cutting people up. Both have positive reviews. I've met people who were operated by both of these doctors and everyone had only good things to say about each doctor and the surgery success.

I knew that with either one of those doctors, I'd be in good hands. So, in the end, it was up to THE FEELING (of comfort, confidence, and optimism, if I had to define it). I chose the doc-tah because:

1) My doctor has a bit more of everything. My doctor has been practicing medicine a bit longer, went to a school that was a bit better, worked with athletes a bit more, and is a bit more highly regarded in the medical community as an ankle surgeon. I'm not trying to be a snob, but those things add up.

2) I felt appreciated and needed. What's this touchy-feely crap, right? But when my calls weren't returned with the other doctor even once, and all my calls were returned with my doctor within 15 minutes of me leaving the message, I kinda realized that my doctor's office wasn't too busy or too unorganized to make sure I'm well taken care of.

3) I can have surgery sooner than later and shorter recovery. Both doctors told me they'd do the same procedure wherein they replace the cartilage in my ankle joint with cadaver cartilage. But the other doctor told me I'd have to wait 6 months for the cadaver cartilage, and it'd be 6 months of painful recovery with this or other form of cast or brace. Yeah. My doctor knew right away when he'd get the cartilage (um, just 3 weeks. WEEKS, people!). He also said it'd be 3 months in a boot/brace - with the first 6 weeks non-weight-bearing and the next 6 weeks I'd be allowed to put weight on it. My doctor's advice matches closely the actual people's experiences I've read about (thank you, online forums!).

4) I will run again. It was doom and gloom at the other doctor's office. He couldn't tell me whether I'd run again. He couldn't tell me anything, really. He just said that he had people, who had to walk/stand/lift things for work, return to normal life, but he couldn't say anything about me running again. He literally said, "I just don't know." My doctor couldn't guarantee anything either, of course. No one can. But when I asked him about running, at first he said: "Oh, I'm not sure about running". When I clarified that I meant after I heal 100%, be it after 2 or 4 years, he said: "Oh, absolutely, you will, I just need you to be a low impact girl for now."

And then there were silly things. Like his manner. He was sitting there drawing all over my ankle with a pen, explaining what to expect and what will get cut where. I felt so comfortable, thinking "I can't believe this person just grabbed my leg and is drawing on it, and I'm totally okay with it!" He was also full of positive energy. You could tell he loves his work, he isn't burdened or rushed or exhausted or pressed for time. He told me he'll have me working out throughout the whole recovery, and that I'll be just fine. It also didn't hurt that he began with "I do these surgeries every day, and I love working with athletes like you who are eager to get active again."

Well, all the above things came together, and I'm happy with my decision.

And that's my doc-tah, ladies and gentlemen!

PS. I probably missed something. If you have any questions, please let me know. If any of you out there need surgery and have stumbled on this blog, here's a piece of advice. Be skeptical! Ask a ton of questions and never settle until you are 100% certain you're doing the right thing. And, also, tell everyone you know you need surgery. You'll be surprised at how eager people are to help. You'll be guided in the right direction.

FIX IT!

2010-04-08T11:37:00.000-05:00

I've scheduled surgery for May 13th.

Yes, that IS soon. Wasn't it me who was so afraid of having surgery, so reluctant to do it? And wasn't it me talking about squeezing in a few swimming races and having some sort of active summer before surgery?

True, that WAS all me. I see the hypocrisy, haha.

But I changed my mind. It was just too daunting to think about how - after all those swimming races and that active summer - I'll still be where I am today. My ankle will still give me this dull, constant pain. It'll still be slightly swallen after pretty much any activity, except yoga. And I'll have done nothing to make it better.

So, when I was at Doc #3's office yesterday, I decided to take the approach described in the video above. Enough is enough, really. It's time to fix the ankle. And I'll do it by following a simple three step process:

Step 1: FIX!
Step 2: IT!
Step 3: FIX IT!

And then repeat steps 1 through 3 until IT'S ALL FIXED!

Before the surgery, I have just enough time to do a 30-day Bikram yoga challenge (it was one of my goals for the year... funny enough, I already knocked out the 60-day challenge). I'll also swim and do weights. And then, during the first few weeks after the surgery, I'll do intensive calorie counting, haha!

PS. Oh, yes, and I LOVE my new doctor! I'll update you on how I decided to choose him as my surgeon, what surgery I'll need, and what recovery is going to be like in one of my next posts! Maybe someone reading this can find that information helpful :)

I CAN ALSO WORK OUT ON THE ELLIPTICAL!

2010-04-01T11:01:00.005-05:00

So the ankle hurts less now since I haven't been running. And I'm finding out that I can do more and more things than just yoga. Yeah, I'm afraid the next few posts are going to start with "I CAN", will be all in CAPS, and will end with an exclamation point!

!!!!

Now my weeks do not just consist of sweating for 1.5 hours a day. My schedule kinda looks like this:

Monday - Bikram yoga
Tuesday - Gym for weights and core with stationary bike/elliptical for warm-up cool down
Wednesday - regular non-hot hatha yoga
Thursday - Bikram yoga
Friday - nuthin'
Saturday - Swimmin'
Sunday - nuthin' again

So, as you can see, I can do yoga. I can swim. I can lift weights. I can sit on my butt on the stationary bike. And I can do the elliptical.

Oh, THE ELLIPTICAL! I hate that thing!!!! Passionately! I mean - are you running? are you biking? are you weight training? are you stair climbing? what the crap are you doing on that machine? Feels like a special hamster wheel for humans.

But I can hate all I want. Right now this is the only thing that I can do that resembles running and that doesn't hurt the damn ankle. I've never looked more forward to working out on the elliptical than right now.

I must admit, the first three months of this year - despite such an accomplishment as the 60-day Bikram yoga challenge - were very dark for me. I was just feeling so doomed. I know, I know, it's totally childish. But when you are in pain, and you can't really move around after having done some wonderful things like marathons and triathlons, and you need surgery, it's so hard to see the big picture. Or to realize that your body WILL heal, and you WILL be just fine!

This experience is giving me a lot of hope right now. Those were three months of blah, certainly, but then - bam! - and I'm fine. I was healing during this time. And now I know what to expect during my recovery after surgery. It'll be tough - many months of pain and discomfort - but I'll heal, and then - bam! - I'll be fine :)

Thanks for reading! :)

I CAN SWIM NOW!

2010-03-29T12:00:00.005-05:00

You know, you won't believe it, but I don't just sit around complaining about my rrrrankle and how I can't run. I do exercise. Quite a bit actually. And I've added some variety to my training regimen this past week. It's not just yoga any more.

January and February consisted of 11.5 hours/week of sweating in a Bikram yoga studio. I completed a 60-day challenge. Those 9 weeks of non-stop yoga kept me busy, on track, sane while I couldn't run, bike, or swim. I can't say that I feel like I've accomplished something amazing. The challenge felt like a lot of work for the level of fitness that I would have achieved if I spent just 1/3 of that time just running. The whole time I missed running, and the only reason I kept going back to the studio was to wait things out. I didn't know what waiting would bring - the ankle wouldn't magically heal for sure, and I wouldn't be able to run after the challenge anyway - but I just knew that something would change.

Well, duh, the passage of time changes everything. The ankle doesn't hurt or swell as much as it did three months ago, which is logical... since I'm avoiding activity that hurts the ankle. And also the timing of the challenge was perfect. It simply killed winter. When the challenge ended, suddenly it was Spring. Beautiful weather and longer days filled with this awesome energy that just came out of nowhere.

With the challenge behind my back (which REALLY made me crave variety - try to do the same thing for 1.5 hours a day for 60 days in a row, and you'll know what I mean) and a better ankle, I decided to give swimming a try. On Saturday, for the first time in 3 months, I went to the pool. I swam a MILE. With no ankle pain during or after.

In the pool, I felt all that hot yoga paying off. I'm just as fast and I can go just as far as three months ago. My lung capacity decreased just a tiny bit. Phew, thank GOD! But while I appreciated the benefits of hot yoga, I also very clearly felt what I've been missing all this time.

Most literally, I missed moving forward fast. I know, Captain Obvious in the house. Wha-what? I've ran for 6 years, biked and swam for less than one, but I'm just realizing that it's this simple. I like these sports because I like moving fast, I like moving forward, I like covering long distances, and I like getting to the finish first. It's that simple!!!!

Plus, now that I can swim, I have an outlet for my competitiveness. Yoga is a very different, complex animal when it comes to competitiveness. Hopefully, one day I'll understand it better. Right now I'm completely and utterly confused. On the one hand, there is such a thing as yoga competitions; on the other, in my own practice, I find myself constantly constricted by all my physical limitations, each one of them demanding incredible focus and patience from me. How can you compete? Because if I start competing with anyone in yoga - especially myself - I'll definitely yank something out of place and spend weeks hurting (I know cause I've done that!). With yoga, I ***ALWAYS*** have to be aware of my limits. With swimming (running and biking), limitations are still there, but you have more freedom to compete and even toy with the threshhold.

For example, I ran for six years and I just need one surgery.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Ok, that was bad. (But funny? Yes?)

Anyway, all this to say just one thing: I can swim now! YAY! Which means I can race! Which means I'm joining masters and signing up for races! Waiting for the surgery just got a ton better. I just might have some racing fun this year! :)

THANK YOU!

2010-03-25T09:42:00.004-05:00

Hi guys! Thank you for your encouragement in response to my last post. You don't even know what one "don't give up" or "you can do it" can do. It really makes it easier.

The more I think about it all, the more I realize that doing nothing is not a solution. The ankle is not going to heal on its own. Surgery is needed. I don't want to reach 50, 60, or 70 and have this injury surface up from the wear and tear of normal life (and boring life at that, since no surgery definitely means no running ever again, haha). So, I want to be healthy long-term. And it doesn't hurt that I'll be able to run again, right?

I'm meeting up with Doctor #3 in two weeks. While Doctor #2 was saying that surgery wasn't really needed, when he talked about doing the actual surgery, he was talking about a very invasive approach. As in, scrape my cartilage off, replace it with a cartilage implant grown in a lab for 6 months, keep me in a cast for 6 months, and then see how I rehabilitate with physical therapy. From doing my research, I know that's the most invasive surgery out there with the longest recovery and the lowest rate of success.

Doctor #1, when he was referring me to Doctor #3 (confused yet?), was talking about the least invasive approach, which is arthroscopic drilling - where they go into your joint via a small incision, drill holes and put small screws through the damaged cartilage into the bone to make it bleed and therefore induce healing (the cartilage is dying b/c the blood flow is cut off). Doc #1 is a non-surgical specialist, so Doc #3 (who is a surgeon) might differ in his opinion. But, here's what's giving me hope: my lesion (or the dying piece of cartilage) is still intact and attached to the bone and Doc #3 specializes in non-invasive surgeries. So, I'm hoping I'm a candidate for the least invasive surgery.

Well, I'll know in two weeks. I've come to terms that I do need surgery. Now I need to gather opinions on what type of surgery is the best.

A Night and Day Difference

2010-03-24T10:35:00.003-05:00

I'm making slow, but sure progress gathering doctors' opinions as to whether we should cut my ankle open and put a bunch of screws in there or let it be.

So far I've talked only to two doctors.

Both doctors agree on the diagnosis: a very large Osteochondritis Dissecans lesion (a scary name for a chunk of dying cartilage within the joint) that obviously developed over many years after a serious trauma.

They agree on the diagnosis, but they "oh so" differ on treatment approaches.

Doctor #1: "OMG, DO SURGERY NOW... Shhh... Don't say a word... SURGERY! NOW!"
Doctor #2: "If you are okay with a cycling/swimming only lifestyle, then I wouldn't do the surgery."

That feels to me like a night and day difference in opinions.

And, surprisingly, Doc #2 is actually a surgeon who specializes in ankle surgeries. I honestly expected him to walk into the room with a scalpel already in his hand, going "So, where does it hurt? Let me look inside." And there he goes... all opposite... making the worst psychic out of me.

I kinda have a crush on Doc #2.

He's so dreeeeaaamy!

OH, I'M KIDDING!

No, I have a crush on him because with his questions and answers to my questions he demonstrated very clearly that he knows what he's talking about and that he has a ton of experience dealing with these issues. He pin pointed on the spot when the injury occured, he told me how he'd treat it, and he explained the chances of healing and returning to running. He was very specific and, even though he wasn't giving me great news, he was positive and inspired me to fight more. It was so different from my experience with Doc #1.

In defense of Doc #1: Doc #1 is a non-surgical specialist who, very appropriately, immediately referred me to a surgeon (not Doc #2), which explains why he couldn't answer some of my questions, why he was short with me during my last visit, and why he gave me such a bleak outlook on this whole rrrrrankle situation. My ankle does look like shit on the X-ray and MRI.

Doc #2 put it like this to me: "The question is whether or not you want to run again. If you do, then you need surgery. If you can live without it, then I wouldn't do the surgery". But he also said that surgery guarantees nothing. That I'd need a very invasive surgery with extremely long recovery (6 months in casts/braces, and 4 years until full recovery) with me maybe being able to run short distance again. "Maybe", you guys. And he said that if he were me, he'd choose no running (he's a runner, so he's not biased) and no surgery.

But I think I should ask a different question, though.

It's not whether or not I want to run. It's whether or not I will regret not doing this surgery when I'm 50 or 60. Is no surgery and no running (or, essentially, doing nothing) the real solution when it comes to long-term health?

Of course, I didn't think of this question on the spot. Doi. So, I'll be in touch with Doc #2 again. And I'll be talking to several more doctors.

And that's my update. No running without surgery. No running for four years if I get surgery. And maybe short distance running after those four years of recovery from surgery. If I'm lucky.

I must say it was an amazing ride. Running, that is. It's just so awesome and so precious. Here's my advice for all of you out there. Appreciate every single moment of it. Even the shitty runs. I dunno. I have no regrets, and I don't feel like I took it for granted. And I know many of ya'll don't take it for granted either. I guess I miss it, and that's all.

Beer Me Yoga

2010-03-17T11:46:00.005-05:00

Life is good, ya'll. It really is.

I was thinking about my injury and the surgery I'll have to have, and I'm so happy this is happening to me now.

Here's why.

In '02-03, I essentially fell off my bunked bed half asleep (please do laugh... it was ridiculous), and I received some pretty bad trauma to the cartilage within my ankle joint. Then later on in life I ran. A LOT. Haters are happy to point out that I ran "too much" and that now I'm paying for it because I have to get surgery.

Well, dear haters, there is no doubt that running aggravated this injury, and I found out about it much sooner than I would have if I didn't run. BUT - it's not that I shouldn't have run... it's that I shouldn't have fallen. AND, if I didn't run I would find out about this injury in old age, which would be too damn late. This injury is fixable only through surgery unless it's caught when you are essentially a child, and the recovery after surgery is longer the older you are with less and less chance of running again. SO. I'm young, I'll heal fast, I've ran a ton with great progress, and I'll run again.

And that's why life is good.

In the meantime, beer me yoga, please. Cause that's all I can do, haha. Even cycling and swimming irritate my ankle.

I've finished my 60-day Bikram yoga challenge, took a week off, and now I'm back in the studio. The entire challenge, honestly, was in no way as satisfying as one - yes, just one - long run, but it kept me in great shape and gave me confidence that I'll be running again. I don't know why the challenge was the source of confidence. I guess because it's better than sitting on your butt and whining about your "hard" life. Plus, it's always good to know that you'll be absolutely fine without doing that one thing you love to death. I know I'll be fine without running. Imagine how fine I'll be when I run again.

Supah fiiine.

Yeah, I did just write that.

'Hope you all are doing fine too!

All This Free Space Between the Ears

2010-02-28T23:32:00.004-06:00

It's a strange place to be where I am right now. For several years, I breathed running. And now I'm organizing my closet putting away running clothes I won't wear for a very long time (hopefully, some day I will!), cancelling race registrations, and trying to think of ways to adapt to my new non-running lifestyle.

That probably sounds so final, dramatic, and sad. IT IS NOT!

Well, it is and it is not at the same time. There are moments when I walk around with a sad face telling everyone I see about how - back in the day - I used to run so fast, what a great potential I had, and how now I can't run and so the world has come to an end, and kittens are suffocating, and children are running into the traffic, and there are JUST. NOT. ENOUGH. HUGS. in this entire world to make me feel better.

But, overall, I am excited about all the possibilities. The recovery will be long whether or not I need a surgery. But at least now I have a time frame. So, I'm excited about:

#1 - Putting this injury to rest once and for all. It is truly exciting to learn that I do have a problem, that it is not a chronic thing, and that there is a solution (even if it's surgery followed by three months in a cast... I'll have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to see what he thinks of the MRI, then I'm off to get multiple opinions, and then, and then, and then... oh goodness... we'll see!)
#2 - Yoga. I have a list of random things I'd like to do in life. It's called "Random Things I'd Like to Do." HA! On that list I have "practice yoga regularly and become a yogi." I don't exactly know what "becoming a yogi" entails. I guess it sounds cool. But I'm sure excited to spend the next several months practicing yoga every day. All kinds of it - not just Bikram.
#3 - Edumacation. In my free time, I like to take different classes. From art to business. I'm really excited about accelerating some of my studies during my break from running.

It's strange. It's not that I'll have more free hours in a day. That's just an illusion of free time. What's really happening is that I have... well, how can I describe it... a lot more free mental power? I guess I'm not so preoccupied, and I can think about other things. I honestly feel like there is a hole in my head now that I'm not running and not thinking about it 24/7.

This is because running comes in a package, for me. It comes with ambitious goals, it takes a lot of energy (in a good way, in a form of dedication and strong drive to do my best), it consumes me. When I run, I'm first and foremost a runner. All other things - like yoga... or even my classes - are secondary.

Well, now I get to do all these things I want to do but definitely wouldn't do if I could run. I feel like I'm reaching some kind of balance in life - in the grand scheme of things :)

It All Makes Sense Now

2010-02-25T13:36:00.004-06:00

Do you ever go to a grocery store to get one thing - say, a gallon of milk - and leave with a month's worth supply of food, but don't bring that gallon of milk home?

That's exactly how my appointment with the doctor went this morning.

I went in wondering what to do with these irritated tendons all around my right ankle, but left not even remembering about that problem. Instead, I was trying to wrap my ahead around something much larger - a news that I might need a surgery for a problem inside the ankle joint.

The diagnosis is a nasty condition called Osteochondritis Dissecans. Based on the X-ray, it looks like I'm in a more advanced stage that can only be cured through surgery. In a couple of days, I'll have an MRI, and we'll go from there.

The cause is usually a traumatic injury via a direct force to the joint and it gets aggravated through sports with repetitive motion (long distance running, anyone?).

And what d'ya know, I did have a traumatic injury. In late 2002 - early 2003, I jumped off a bunked bed half asleep and landed on my ankle. It swell up to a size of a planet and I couldn't walk for days and felt pain for months. The x-rays at the cheap (since I didn't have health insurance) student medical center, supposedly, didn't show anything. Time passed, and I forgot about the injury.

In 2004, I started running. In 2005, I started training for a marathon, picked up my mileage, and started to experience pain with what I thought was my achilles tendon.

Wrong.

I thought that you just live with the nagging pain of this sort. That you learn to manage it. Plus, I shut myself up pretty well because, after all, it's a hobby, and an injury because of a hobby is fake.

Wrong again.

I wish someone told me that living with pain is not normal. (I'm obviously not smart enough to know that on my own.)

Well, all this time, it was the actual joint, NOT a tendon. It looks like there is a piece of cartilage/bone floating up in the open space within the joint causing irritation, swelling, and locking of the joint.

And I'm sitting here feeling kinda doomed. Because with this injury, "Non-surgical treatment is rarely an option as the capacity for articular cartilage to heal is limited. As a result, even moderate cases require some form of surgery." Also, if you have this thing even at an early stage, non-surgical treatment will just not heal you to a point that you can go run marathons. That's because non-surgical equals painkillers, modification of activity (as in, "hurts when you run, then don't run"), or complete immobilization of the joint. In other words, even with a hint of this condition, running (the way I have) just doesn't even begin to be a part of the picture.

I guess ignorance is bliss. I doubt I'd have so many wonderful years of running and unforgettable memories if I knew that I shouldn't do it. See those dusty PR's on the right? Those are mine :) I wouldn't get there if I thought I was hurting myself.

Well, I'm waiting for the MRI and edumacating myself through research. So, when times comes to make a decision whether I should get surgery or not, I'll make the right decision.

Thanks for being here for me, guys! I know it's a lot more fun to read about PR's!!!!

PS. Biking, swimming, and yoga are okay!!! :)

Wherein I Man Up. Maybe Not.

2010-02-24T11:09:00.008-06:00

Big news here, in Ulyana-blog-land. Today, I am a bigger, better person. Today, I'm oozing with maturity. Today, you'll be proud of me. Today, you'll be compelled to write a "you go girl" comment to this post (I probably won't get it b/c apparently blogger has been "eating" people's comments on my blog... I'm sorry on behalf of blogger and my lonely ego).

So, TODAY. Today I scheduled a doctor's appointment to get my right ankle (aka rrrrrrrrrrrrrankle) injury checked out.

What's so damn exciting, you wonder. Well, it took me a loooooong time to get to this point. I hurt the ankle in September. I kept running on it until it literally blew up on me in December. It swell up, and I couldn't even walk for more than 10 minutes (I've called myself "stupid" enough times for doing this to myself... so, you don't have to).

In December, I did take some smart steps. I committed to no running for two months and simultaneously enrolled in a 60-day Bikram yoga challenge so that I would stay in shape and give my leg the time to heal.

I admit I thought I was very clever. It's like I'd kill 50 different birds with one stone. I'd lose weight, I'd get better posture, I'd knock out a hot yoga challenge, AND my ankle would heal.

But then I got this comment from Ron that knocked me off my feet. Ron, who is a Physical Therapist, noted that... oh, you know what, he said it better than I could, so read it for yourself:

My experience with treating lots of runners is that the pain will come back when you return to running. It is a force transmition problem. After all if running requires 3-5 X your body weight in Force and you dont run it wont hurt. But if you put that force back it will return. The Yoga you are doing is incredible for a lot of things but not a bunch of force for the ankle. STRENGTHENING the right muscles and eventually getting back to plyometric type activity will allow you to restore the force required for running. I am happy to help if you need me.

AND HE IS SO RIGHT!!!!!

SO RIGHT!!!

Because I'm almost done with the challenge, I haven't run for two months, I did some light biking the other day (biking, not even running), and I see that the ankle is nowhere near 100%. I'd say it's maybe at 50%. My first test run is scheduled for the end of next week, but it's still too early.

We exchanged a couple of emails with Ron, and he gave me several good pointers on how to find a PT who's a good fit. I'm finally acting on his advice, and I found a doctor who sounds just perfect! The appointment is tomorrow. THANK YOU, RON!

Why the frap didn't I do this sooner? Well, partially, because I'm a chicken. I was just embarrassed for doing this to myself and I was afraid of hearing bad news. It's time to man up! I ain't scurred! Or embarrased. Also, I just didn't wanna show up at a doctor's office and watch him/her laugh at me because of an injury that could be easily resolved by not running for a couple of months. Well, I've waited long enough.

And, apparently, another reason why I haven't gone to the doctor yet, is that my mommy hasn't told me to. YEAH! Seriously. I'm going because my mom told me to go. (What was it I was saying about manning up?) So many people have told me to go to the doctor since September.... Oh man... if I had a dollar for each time... But turns out ya'll should have given a call to my mom so she could have a talk with me.

So, the other day we were hanging out together, and she goes:

"You must be very sad because you can't run."

No one ever said that to me, guys. I myself haven't thought about that. It's so simple, though. And so true. I AM sad. Who would have thought that "sad" is the perfect word?

And then she said, "Maybe you should go to the doctor". I got immediately offended for no reason, "Why, so they can tell me not to run, which is what I'm already doing?". And she said with complete care and not phased by my rudeness and stubborness at all, "I don't know... sometimes it's just good to know what's going on."

That stopped me in my tracks. Sometimes it's just good to know.

I don't know what buttons she pressed, and I have no clue how that's convincing at all and how that worked on me, but it worked.

I'm going to the doctor. Tomorrow. And I'm very afraid. But Mom said it's gonna be okay.

Darling, Don't Give Me Shit

2010-02-22T19:29:00.006-06:00

Oh, hey guys! What's up? How's it going? Remember that time? Yeah, the time when I was all "omg, I heart running so much I will never cheat on it by writing about something other than running"? When I was all "I shall post only when I run". What a load of crap.

Or maybe it's not that I'm a giant liar... maybe I'm like a dog, and time seems to move a million times faster than it really does. Maybe there is such a thing as Ulyana years. It's been 10 days... feels like... like a LOT more. So, I shall post something very smart and clever. (HA!).

So, 20 million Ulyana years later, several things happened.

1) 7 weeks done and 2 left in my 60-day Bikram yoga challenge. At this particular point, SO. MANY. THINGS. HURT. The reason I started this challenge was to get healed and I expected that I would be sore. BUT NOT THIS SORE!!! I constantly have to take it easy - which makes the whole experience a bit funny... I'm not challenging myself in a traditional sense. I guess that's the yoga part of the "yoga challenge". You are to face your limitations and make sure you don't push yourself too far. It's the most literal form of patience. And, God knows, I've got none (there ARE special Ulyana years).

I mean the irony of it all. A "yoga challenge". How ridiculous, and how clever at the same time!!! It's really perfect for type-A morons like I am. If this thing was called anything like "A yoga immersion where you respect your body and learn to become patient to connect with the divine within yourself" - I sure wouldn't sign up. Put a "challenge" in there, and I lose any and all common sense. "I'll do it, you don't even have to dare me to!"

But learn to be in a super hot room with a ton of muscular overachievers and ignore every single thing that should, by definition, get on your nerves, stay composed, don't panic because your heart is pounding and you want to gasp for air, don't notice who's around you, stay focused, AND listen to YOUR body, taking yourself as far as only you can go at that particular moment in time. THAT's the challenge. It's not about showing up every day, or working out really hard, or looking super toned, or bending backwards so far that you can see the the other end of your mat. It's about not losing common sense in the most ridiculous setting. It's about staying in touch with yourself.

I guess that's why I'm sticking with it. I like the mental lessons. I also trust the experiences of so many wonderful teachers I've met. And I can't wait to get to that place that the teachers describe - where your body opens up... and your guts spill out. OH I'M KIDDING! I guess they mean you become more chill and more flexible. They say it takes about three months of regular practice (3-4 days a week) after your 60 day challenge to get there. I can't wait. I enjoy the immediate effects of this yoga on my body, it's time to see the long-term ones. But, patience, patience.

2) I don't know if you've seen it, but a report just went out about how there is a world-wide shortage of tiny violins due to my bitching about how I can't run. But, everyone, it's just two weeks until my first test run!!! Soon I shall run.

Scheduled Intermission

2010-02-12T09:36:00.002-06:00

Hi Guys! I wanted to let everyone know that I'll be MIA over here for about a month. As I mentioned in my last post, for me, for some reason, no running equals no writing. Of course, if the muse strikes, I'll blabber on, but for now I'd like to take a break - it seems fitting. I'll be back here once I'm running. I'll also be checking in with ya'll on your blogs! Have a great month of running and preparing for those triathlons!
-Ulyana

I Think I'm Trying To Be Poetic... Oh, Someone STOP ME!

2010-02-10T11:19:00.005-06:00

When someone stops posting on their blog, do you ever wonder if that person died?

I admit that, occasionally, a "what if s/he died???" question does pass in my head when a person suddenly stops blogging completely. And I think it's because when someone stops blogging, it's so much like death.

Oh, hey-oooo, what's up with the morbidity????!!! I didn't subscribe to that crap, Ulyana!!! Give me my money back! Right?

But think about it.

Death: It's just plain weird. One moment the person is here, another moment s/he's not. You get an uneasy feeling when you think about it. It's impossible to know what people are doing when they are gone, but what's definitely clear is that dead people are not here, and you are left feeling an emptiness that you can't describe.

When people stop blogging: It's just plain weird. One moment the person is blogging, another moment s/he's not. You get an uneasy feeling when you think about it. It's impossible to know what people are doing when they are not blogging, but what's definitely clear is that people who are not blogging are... well... not blogging, and you are left feeling an emptiness that you can't describe.

You seeeeee? The two are, like, the mirror images of each other. Only in the blog world, you can have your resurrection. Unless, you are really dead, of course. (In case you are wondering - yes, I will be here all night!)

And you know, guys, you are so lucky. I'm not really dead, so you get to see me rise from the blogging dead.

Taaaaaaaah-daaaaaaaaaah!

...

Okay. That's it? What a rip off.

...

So, anyway, I didn't die. I'm just not blogging. I'm silent because I'M NOT RUNNING. It's funny how, if I just run one mile, I can't shut up. I can write a book - with lots of insightful observations about every damn step I've ever made when running. When I'm not running, writing a post is like writing a research paper your freshman year in college - no motivation what-so-freakin-ever.

And so, here I am writing about death. Hilarious.

Well, unlike in college, when I chose drinking, partying, and stealing candy from vending machines over timely writing of research papers, I now choose yoga over blogging about running while I'm not running. It's definitely a healthier choice.

So far, I've done 33 classes as part of my 60-day Bikram yoga challenge. Last week I missed two days, but I had a chance to make one up by doing a double. Yeah, A DOUBLE. Two classes back-to-back in one day. You are absolutely right if you think that's an insane thing to do.

It was definitely one of the most awe-inspiring/ fear-inducing things I've ever done. Not because it was hot - the heat didn't bother me at all, and not because I was exhausted - surprisingly, you don't feel tired at all the second time. But because, being so warmed up, I bent so far and so deep in some postures, I kinda lost the gift of speech. It was MENTAL is what it was. I left feeling intimidated by how flexible I can be. And scared of how sore I'd be the next day. And I was sore. SO SORE it made me miss running even more.

So, that's it, you guys. I'm just doing yoga. It's a different life from running. More calm, less adrenaline. It's just plain weird. One moment you are running, the next you are not. You get an uneasy feeling when you think about not running. It's impossible to know where you'd be if you could run now, but what's definitely clear is that you are not running, and you are left feeling an emptiness that you can't describe. It is like d.....

Nope, I was going to say "dreaming very vivid dreams in your sleep and then missing them very very much when you wake up". Nothing morbid ;)

In Which I Get Excited About Being Tagged, Respond to the Tag, Tag More People, and Use the Word TAG Too Much in a Post Title That's Far Too Long

2010-02-02T12:37:00.002-06:00

I sometimes get my morning coffee at a local grocery store, and their coffee cups have these "fun facts".

Today, the cup says: "Did you know that coffee is actually a fruit?"

Well, no, no, I didn't. And that, my friends, is a TWIST of giant proportions.

Because who would have known that all this time I've been getting 5 times the required number of servings of fruit a day???

Oh, I'm just being silly. I don't drink that much coffee.

.....

See what I did there? I think I'm ready for my comedic license. Or an award. Or a big bag of money.

You guys come to this blog called Shaped by Running, right, and all I'm blabbering about is a hurting rrrrrrrrankle, Bikram yoga, and how we've all been brainwashed into believing that coffee is a vegetable. If anything is being shaped here, it's definitely not by running.

You are onto me. I've been found out.

GASP!

Well, it'll change, I promise.

In the meantime, Anne tagged me to name three things I want to accomplish or do before I, you know, go kaput.

Thing numero uno for me would be to have a good, solid, happy marriage with well raised children (you know, no serial killers... setting high standards over here).
Thing numero dos would be owning my own business. Although not as hefty as the first one, this one is, well, hefty. Especially since I have no clue what kind of business I'd like to own. That's a start, right?
Thing numero tres would be breaking a three hour mark in the marathon distance (says a girl who hasn't even broken 3:40 mark to BQ, lol).

This was fun!

And here are my tags:

Jill at Finishing is Winning (I first wrote "Jill at Onelittletrigirl"... duh... that's like saying visit "Ulyana at Ulyana". I win!)
Jill at Run with Jill
Adam
Lindsay
Morgan
Saundra
The Sean
Tamantha
ONEHOURIRONMAN
Tara
ShutUpandRun
Jon
Big Daddy Diesel
Shanna
Priyanka
Jesse

It's just three things! Hope you write them down :)

I really enjoyed reading everyone's big goal in the comments to my last post. Thank you!

Don't Hate Me Cause I'm BEAUTIFUL

2010-01-29T16:00:00.002-06:00

Onelittletrigirl (aka onelittlejill, aka Jill, aka an awesome blogger who just radiates kindness and care through her every post) gave me this awesome award:

Talk about boosting an ego. You'd think you couldn't boost mine any more. You'd think that, but you'd be wrong. And guess what? I get to share 7 random things with you. And those things will be about ME. Me, myself, and I.

With this award, I'm afraid my head is so up my "you know what" that I can't hear things clearly. So, I think it'd be fair if these 7 random things about me were somewhat about YOU - I will try to entertain you guys.

So........... I am:

#1 - Excellent at Snarting - Back in Mother Russia, in school, at a tender age of about 13 - when you are all that and a bag of chips, but you still get embarrased easily - I sneezed and farted REALLY loudly (or SNARTED) at the same time during my English class. Oh, all that laughter that followed. I really treasure that memory. I know it's not the most mature thing ever, but it's definitely the funniest.

#2 - A Gifted Child - When I was a kid, I always had bangs. One time, when I was about six, I was getting tired waiting for my mom to cut my bangs so they would stop getting in my eyes. As you can imagine, I shopped my hair off practically all the way to the roots. I had long long hair, and stubble at the top of my forehead.

#3 - From a Family of Rebels - My little sister took the trend several steps further when she was 4 or 5 and she chopped off her bangs AND shaved her eyebrows. Oh, and we do have photos. And every time we laugh so hard we almost cry.

#4 - With a Smelly, Dirty Past - One time when I was visiting my best friend in DC, she was at work and I was home alone. She rented a room in this old, old house. Of course, I managed to clog up the toilet in the process of dropping a dookie. And guess what I did? I called her housemate to help me. The girl would stand by the bathroom door, refusing my offer to go in (I wonder why?), and going "Just try the plunger. Harder! It's an old toilet, you need to work harder! You can do it!". When I finally succeeded the toilet burped covering me and the bathroom walls in poo. Not only does that girl probably remember me as "that girl who clogged up the toilet", but I also spent a good amount of time cleaning the bathroom and talking a long, long shower.

#5 - Not a Fool - One time, once again in Mother Russia, my friend and I were having a sleep over at my place. We were about 14 or so. My mom wasn't home for some reason. Late at night, we hear a loud knock on the door. We look through the peep hole and see a big man standing out there (note the magnifying effects of the peep hole). We immediately get scared and go "What do you want?". The guy goes "Is Natasha [my mom] there?". We answer "No one by the name of Natasha lives here". And the guy goes "Are you sure?", to which we respond with a firm "YES". And then the guy turns around and walks into the apartment across from ours. It was our neighbor's 14 year old son most likely looking to borrow something, haha. To this day, we laugh about how we essentially turned away a friend by sounding ridiculous. And his question "Are you sure?" is that much funnier knowing it was our neighbor who knew who lived across from his place.

#6 - Slightly Delirious and Paranoid - One time in college, I had a roommate who never stayed in our dorm room and always lived with her boyfriend. When it was the end of the year, she came in early in the morning to pick up the very few belongings that she had, which included a roll of paper towels. I, most likely, stayed up the night before, so that morning I was passed out on my bed and just couldn't wake up. So, she, being a very nice girl, is trying to say bye to me - it's proper after all, we weren't going to see each other ever again. Yet I don't even try to wake up. I barely open one of my eyes and I see her holding a roll of paper towels. In my stupor, I'm thinking "I cannot be-freaking-lieve she's stealing my papertowels". So, I cut her off and go, "Yeah, uh huh, the papertowels... the paper towels... leave them here. Leave the paper towels here." She put them reluctantly down, and I went back to sleep. When I woke up, I saw her paper towels right by mine and felt like a complete jackass. Instead of saying good bye to someone and wishing them best, I was rude because I imagined they were stealing my paper towels. There is so much wrong with that picture. Even if the papertowels were being stolen.

#7 - With Healthy Bones - I was always the smaller kid growing up. There was a summer when I caught up, but I was mostly skinny and short. During one of the PE classes, we had a "bootcamp" kind of competition (in Mother Russia, that is) where boys and girls paired up and competed against other "couples". There were plenty of different hurdles, and everything culminated with a guy picking up his girl and running carrying her to the finish (it does sound insane, I agree!). Since the guys knew they'd have to carry a chick to the finish line, I got picked first. I'm skinny and short, therefore must be light, right? WRONG! I will never forget the look on my partner's face when he tried lifting me up - he looked like he had an accident - while the other, weaker-looking guys were running away with their girls. My diet is heavy on calcium, I guess.

Well, none of this was running related. It's all coming up. One day... one day... I promise ;)

Push Take It Easy Sweetheart

2010-01-25T21:35:00.000-06:00

Let's me just unload a bunch of randomness on you!

#1 - WEIGHT LOSS - I can now proudly boast having lost about 4 pounds since December 28, the date I decided to get this weight issue under control. 2007 and 2008 were spent in the 127-133 lbs range (my happy range), and I wrapped up 2009 with a steady weight of 146.6 lbs. 2010 is going to be about going back to my happy weight. I realize that this means losing 14-20 lbs... WHAT???!!?? Holy cow, how do you gain so much in just one year??????????? ... Well, one day at a time... If I focus on the minimum goal, I've got 4 down and 10 to go. Give me two months ;)

#2 - CYCLING - Yours truly has added cycling to the mix. This spring I'll be doing the MS150 ride where I'll join a bunch of people in a ride from Houston to Austin all with the goal of raising some funds to help those with multiple sclerosis. From talking to some friends, it seems the main challenge is not so much developing the cardio-vascular strength, but teaching yourself to endure the pressure of the ride on your sitbones and lower back. So in my three rides a week, I haven't been killing myself too much, just learning to sit on the bike for as long as possible.

#3 - BIKRAM YOGA CHALLENGE - 19 days down, 41 to go. It's funny how when I was at day 10, I never thought I'd get this challenge done. But now that I'm almost at 20 days, I feel like it's a piece of cake. I mean it's pretty much done, right?

#4 - LESSON LEARNED - In my yoga classes, instructors often say that Bikram would tell his students to "push it" and "take it easy" in one sentence. As in, "push it take it easy", said in one breath. What this means is that you yourself need to know when to push yourself and when to take it easy - you need to know yourself well. I personally have got this whole "push it" thing down. For example, I'm more flexible on one side than the other - and in a very funny way - my right quad is more flexible than my left quad, yet my left hamstring is more flexible than my right hamstring... my left arm is more flexible than my right... it's a big, big mess. Instead of waiting for my tight sides to open up, I've been REALLY stretching myself... to a point that I pulled my left hamstring and the muscles around my right clavicle. I told pretty much every teacher about how this hurts and that hurts, and one of the teachers said, "Ulyana, you are very strong, you need to learn to take it easy." At first, I was all "I'm strong? Really? Can you elaborate? Please do tell me more." Oh, I'm kidding!!! But I was a bit shocked. I'm strong? I need to learn to take it easy? WOW, I honestly didn't know. I know I have my streme sides (um, marathon running?), but I didn't think of myself as strong. So, I've been learning to breathe and not push too hard while holding all the postures.

Alright, I'm finished! Hope everyone's doing well!

Can't Tolerate That!

2010-01-20T09:22:00.005-06:00

Based on that title, ya'll are probably thinking someone crapped in my oatmeal this morning, and I'm all "that will NOT be tolerated!" (said in a high pitch voice). But actually, I've had quite a wonderful start to the day. First of all, I got a venti coffee from Starbucks for the price of a grande one. I did offer to pay the full price, but the barista felt bad she made a mistake. I can totally see how one could make that mistake. The names for different sizes at Starbucks are pretty confusing. I know, I know - there is history behind it, and why don't we all brush up on our Italian. But if you ask for something that's so damn GRANDE, wouldn't you want to get something that's nothing but? And if you are a barista rushed early in the morning, when someone asks you for a grande drink, wouldn't you reach for the biggest cup there?

Second of all... hmmm, there's no second of all. Just a great day!

But there is a thing I can't tolerate any more, and it is eating a lot. Up until now, I really enjoyed those moments of indulging in food. With running, I got completely turned off from junk food, and eating became more about enjoyment of quality foods and rewarding myself for hard work - after all, there is nothing like the appetite after an 18 mile run. But this Bikram yoga challenge is changing my body fast. I can only eat small servings of food and I must stay away from alchohol. Otherwise, I feel like instead of a stomach I have a bag of heavy, heavy rocks. If I have one glass of wine at night, the next morning my face is all puffy and I need someone to support me while walking. If I have a big lunch (and big is relative - say, just a whole sandwich), I'll be tasting it again later that night at my yoga class.

And all I've got to say to that is - I miss eating a lot!!! Booo! But I understand that what's happening right now is a good thing, and it will help me with the weight loss. After all, I don't need to fight serious hunger pangs or cravings for bad foods. My body is naturally resetting itself to eat less and better. It's just it feels like I'm going through a break up. Like I'm being dumped by my own body, haha.

Well, I've done 13 consequtive days of Bikram yoga. I really hit the wall on day 9, but now it's all easy peasy (except for the whole "I'm used to eating a ton, but can't anymore" thing.... but that's doesn't even begin to sound like a real problem).

Yesterday I added cycling to the mix - 30 mins on my trainer. I expected it to be really tough, but it was super easy. What d'ya know - 10.5 hours of hot yoga a week keep you in shape!!! Whodathunkit!

Have a great day, everyone! I know I've disappeared, and I'll be catching up on your blogs soon :)

Preparing to Become a Runner

2010-01-15T12:05:00.000-06:00

I'm 8 days into my 60-day challenge of doing Bikram yoga every day (the 9th one is waiting for me tonight). The first two days were surprisingly easy - the room would even feel cold at times and I'd push myself throughout the entire class doing every posture. On the third day, I realized that my ankle was on its way to serious healing - score! On the 4th and 5th days, I felt a bit bored wondering about how the heck I was going to persevere through doing the exact same sequence 60 days in a row. On the 6th and 7th, I started feeling the accumulated soreness. On the 8th, I felt like I hit a wall and had to skip some postures just to stay in class.

Yet, the moment I stepped out of this 8th class - the most demanding physically and emotionally one since I started this challenge - I felt at peace. I felt so calm like I've never felt before - I had no worries, it was just "me" in this particular space and time, so very much collected and separate from the negative and even positive effect of this world. If rocks had feelings, I'm pretty sure that's how they'd feel. You just "ARE". And I realized that that's probably what that day's inspiration email from the studio I go to was about:

"When you let someone steal your peace, you lose."

~ Bikram Choudhury

"Through training the body with rigor and determination we also train the mind to concentrate. The discipline of practice helps turn the mind, which for many of you is your worst enemy, into your best friend. With your new mental strength, no one and nothing outside of you will ever be able to bother you, harm you, or disrupt your mental peace. As I tell my students in class all the time: 'Let no one steal your peace.'"

~ Excerpted from the book Bikram Yoga, by Bikram Choudhury

Pretty cool, isn't it?

Oh, and by the way, I totally realize that I probably sound high. To you, I'm all "doooode, like... man, I'm like in space, right.... and, oh man, it's so sweet, cause like I'm feeling it but I'm not there, right, but I am....you know?"

Throughout my last hard class, I was thinking about how I need to do this challenge so I become a good runner. I need to fix my body, so it can run again, and not just run, but run well and fast. And, of course, (what would we do without coincidences), after the class the teacher was talking about how you need to endure this challenge so you can set up a strong foundation for the rest of your life, so you can be a strong "runner", "tennis player", "rock star", or "whatever you choose to be". This is so true.

I can't wait to become a really strong runner :)

10 Things That Make Me Happy

2010-01-13T16:27:00.000-06:00

I've been tagged by Saundra at Fitness for Foodies. WOO HOO! And it's such a great tag - I get two write 10 things that make me happy. I rarely sit down and think about such things. Actually, I never do that. I just kinda assume I'm happy and move on with my life. I'm definitely missing out.

So, I thought about these happy 10 things in my life, and here we go:

1) My husband. I could write a book, really, about this one. Without getting too cheesy (yeah, right), he makes me complete, and he balances me. He totally puts me first before anything and anyone. I guess he loves me or something.
2) My mom and my sister. I have a small family and they are everything to me.
3) My best friend whom I need to visit!
4) Living in the US. I grew up in Russia and also got to live in Denmark. Of the three, America wins!
5) Running. Yoga heals me, cycling and swimming take my mind off things, but running makes me happy.

Goodness, five more to go. You can tell I never do this.

6) Travel. Some of my most favorite memories are from when I was travelling. The last time I was abroad was in 2004 - ouch! The last few trips in the US have been just too short - 2-3 day is really nothing. I'm going to fix this very, very soon!!!
7) The idea of having my own place to live. I say "the idea of" is because I have a weird living arrangement/situation right now. I can't wait until my husband and I live in the same city and have our own place. The thought of it makes me happy. Can't wait until it's true.
8) Being driven and passionate. It's really a distinct sensation when you get fired up about something. It can be from small tasks at work to huge things in life. Whenever I catch myself feeling that way, I make a mental note :)
9) Using my brain. I love learning new things and solving problems!
10) My own quiet time. I love, love, love my alone, meditative, quiet times. They really make me happy.

Thank you, Saundra. I enjoyed writing these down.

Can't Pick Your Friends' Boogers

2010-01-11T23:15:00.000-06:00

Guess what I'm going to write about? Yup, Bikram yoga. That's all I'm doing right now. Every day - a hot, sweaty, rewarding bliss.

I'm doing it for completely selfish reasons. #1 is for balance because I'm a total nut case when I don't run... I need one of those special tin hats to hold in all my thoughts and unused energy. #2 is for healing because I've got a nagging injury to get rid of, and Bikram yoga is magic when it comes to healing.

Teee-heeee, I said "number one", and then I said "number two".

Speaking of #2. Not the poo kind. My ankle is healing really, really fast (although, having an injury is very poo-like, in my opinion). It's quite incredible how fast it's happening because of hot yoga. I stopped running on December 27. I took time off from exercise for a week and a half, and nothing changed in the rrrrrrankle department. Every day I'd feel pain, and I wouldn't even be able to walk across a grocery store without needing to avoid fully stepping on my right foot (I think people call that limping). Then I decided to take up a Bikram yoga challenge. My main goal was the above mentioned balance, but in the back of my mind I was hoping for that magical healing that this type of yoga is famous for and which I've experienced before.

I always had Achilles problems from the day I took up marathon training - 30-40 miles a week, and the damn tendons would flare up. Bikram yoga fixed that for me. It was the heat, the special sequence, numerous compression postures, and - most importantly - a strong focus on spine strength that helped. For me specifically, it seems my ankle problems stem from my tight lower back and hamstrings. Downward dogs and child postures in regular hatha yoga classes in cold rooms just wouldn't do the trick. In Bikram yoga, I'd begin to feel brand new within the first three postures.

Goodness, they should pay me. I'm selling it pretty well, right?

Well, this time, it took just the first three consequtive days of practice to fix my rrrrrrrrrankle. At first, which kinda scared me, the ankle swell up for two days, but on the third day, puff and healed. I can walk across a grocery store no problem, haha. Now, how many grocery stores are in a marathon?

I've done 5 consequtive days so far. "Only" 55 to go. The studio I'm going to is extremely popular. So many people show up that there are only two inches between mats. So little space, you've got to be careful. You stretch your hands out, and there's someone's face. You can pick your friends. You can pick your boogers. But you can't pick your friends' boogers. Right?

I wish I could take credit for that, but it was something our instructor said in one of those moments of misery where you really need someone to take your mind off of things and encourage you (i.e., NOT the opposite). She succeeded.

Well, enough already. I'm really excited about the ankle doing better. I want to run, but I'm being good. I'll wait as I promised myself I would. Next week I'm adding cycling to my exercise routine, so it won't be all "Bikram yoga this. Bikram yoga that. Magic. Stars. Happy."

Have a great day!

Bikram Yoga 60-Day Challenge - Day 2

2010-01-08T08:05:00.000-06:00

I have a love/hate relationship with Bikram yoga. Well, that's actually not quite accurate. I have a "fall over heels in love"/"slight irritation" relationship with this type of yoga. I love the sport portion of it. It's very challenging and very, almost immediately, rewarding. When I did my first 30-day challenge, I simply couldn't believe the transformation I saw in my body. I was more fit after 30-days of every day hot yoga practice than I was after years of running. It was simply amazing.

BUT it's super time consuming, it costs quite a bit, and (I bet this one will make me sound like weenie) some studios seem to be staffed with jerks.

I have a series of "but's" to complement the "but's" above as well. This yoga is worth the time and money - no doubt about that - and I would do it all the time if I had both of those, ahem, all the time. And I can live with the mean instructors too. I just store all the mean episodes so I can share them with ya'll.

For example, picture this. After a very long break from hot yoga, I come back to a studio, and I'm just struggling. I'm sweating like a pig, it's hard to breathe, my heart is setting records in how fast it can beat, and I can only do the bare minimum - each posture once instead of the mandatory two times. I was so out of it that I wasn't quite aware of what was going on in the room. My only goal was to stick with it and not leave the room. So, after every posture I'd take a sip of water and would lie down.

Apparently, in that studio I had to wait for everyone to lie down before I cold drink water. I simply didn't know. The first time I drank water "mid-posture", the instructor said: "Blue top, don't drink between posures." I'm all "ok, note to self". But, of course, since I was dying and was working really hard to just stay in class, I forgot and took a sip of water when everyone else was still on their feet, squishing their folds of fat, grunting, and turning red. So, the instructor decided to really teach me a lesson: "Blue top, don't drink water between postures, we call that a monkey brain."

Uh, excuse me? Ma'am? Did you just compare my intelligence and will power to that of a primate? Yes? Oh, ok, cool, just making sure. Thanks.

That's encouraging, right? Or maybe I'm missing something. With my monkey brain and all.

I am in a different studio now where my monkey self feels very welcome. A studio that has a spa feel to it. A studio that has SUPER nice instructors. And, get this, they just opened a new location that's closer to where I live. Also - this is a super cool coincidence - when I showed up at their studio yesterday I learned that it was their last day to sign-up for a 60-day Bikram yoga challenge. And it was just yesterday that I randomly decided to do several Bikram yoga challeges this year. I was going to do a 30-day challenge on my own beginning yesterday, but being a part of this studio's 60-day challenge is way better. We'll be broken down into teams, so we can support and get to know each other. And, to top it off, because I haven't been in this studio for a couple of years, they gave me the first unlimited month for just $39!!! and $10 off next month. Oh, and finally, I'm taking a 60-day break from running, so a 60-day hot yoga challenge couldn't come at a more perfect time.

The first day went extremely well. Today is the 2nd day, and I'll keep you posted how it goes.

Withdrawal Pains

2010-01-07T12:00:00.001-06:00

I'm not running right now because I'm recovering from an ankle injury. The injury exists because... well, because I'm a moron. I ran too fast for myself, too soon in my marathon training cycle, in old shoes, early in the morning, on stiff legs. And then I decided that it was a great idea to see if I could run through this injury and qualify for Boston. Yeah. Feel free to laugh. But it's okay. I've come to terms with my inner moron, and I'm focusing on healing right now...

...which has been going kinda okay. This abundance of energy literally makes me crazy. For one, I've registered for a Half Ironman. Don't get me wrong. I'm not having any second thoughts, but I do recognize that this registration was probably a result of me channelling all this unused energy. Also, in the first week of this new year, I lost 3 pounds. With NO running. That's how anxious I've been about absolutely everything. I'm not hungry, things seems to drag, nothing's happening, and I've got all this energy!!!

And then - yesterday - it clicked. 2009 was a very, very, very easy year. A whopping 12 months of recovery after that tragedy and after my old coach worked me like a horse in 2008. And what am I doing now? Recovering yet again?

I don't need this break right now. I do need to stop running on a hurting ankle, but - with all this energy and other available activities like yoga, swimming, and biking - letting this injury heal does not equal taking it easy this time around.

I read myself wrong. When I was struggling with this last marathon training cycle, I thought I was worn out and that I needed a break from marathons for at least a year. I couldn't have been more wrong. What I was tired of was, simply, me not getting what I wanted. I was tired of things not going smoothly, of not being able to run fast and hard, of not having done a marathon in over a year. I wanted things to be easy, and, of course, what came to mind was the easiest thing of all - taking a break, waiting this vague, un-determinable "bad" period out. I think that's a prime example of behaving like a child.

Well, I'm glad I overdosed on all this overflowing energy, so I could see how wrong I was. I'm ready to get busy now.

I'm still working on my 2010 goals. But here are some that I can't wait to accomplish:

1) No running January and February 2010 - that's 60 days of no running, and I'm sticking with it... my ankle better be brand new after that. And it's not that "I can't wait to accomplish" this one - I can't wait until my ankle is healthy again.
2) One 30-day Bikram yoga challenge, one 60-day bikram yoga challenge, and one 90-day Bikram yoga challenge - I'll take a break between each challenge. That's 6 months of yoga, and I think it's a good way to incorporate yoga in my everyday life. I just can't seem to commit to a "do yoga X times a week" goal. I'm starting the first 30-day challenge today.
3) Join Masters swimming group, return to my cycling group when night rides resume, and go to the track.
4) MS 150 Ride in April - I've talked about this one forever... I'm still waiting for my donation page.
5) One marathon - Most likely, the San Diego Rock'n'Roll marathon in June. I'll be trying to qualify (yet again, haha)!
6) Longhorn 70.3 in October - This is truly something I've never done before.
7) Smaller races - 5K's, 10K's, sprint and olympic tri's - I'm playing this one by ear.
8) Lose weight down to 125-130lbs - I'm in 140's right now... but I'm pretty determined, so I should reach this goal by the end of March.

Well, I'm off to develop specific training plans :)

Good Bye Sexy Mom Jeans

2010-01-06T12:00:00.003-06:00

.... give her something that says "I'm not a woman anymore, I'm a MOM"... Always cracks me up.

A few months back I was at a Gap store trying to find jeans that would fit. By that point, I wore out my favorite jeans to a point of 2"x2" holes between my legs (I know, totally sexy... also, a bit exaggerated) AND my ass grew in size, so I couldn't fit in all my other smaller jeans. So, I was looking for something bigger and more comfortable.

At Gap, I stood in front of a big display that explained different types of jeans. There were the skinny jeans. There were the flare ones. And then there were two more: a PERFECT boot cut, and a SEXY boot cut.

I was a bit puzzled. Wouldn't "perfect" already be "sexy"? And if not, what is so un-sexy about the "perfect" cut? Or is "perfect" somehow sexier than regular sexy? And how does GAP decide what's sexy and what's not? Why are they to say anything? Are there any women out there that would label themselves un-sexy? So many questions.

I had to find out, so I approach a sales guy. After all, I wasn't asking any questions about underwear or, I don't know, tampons, so everything should have gone smoothly, right? Wrong.

I ask him: "What's the difference between the sexy boot and the perfect boot?"
He goes: "Well, the sexy boot is kinda low rise."
I respond: "Oh, yeah? Well, in that case, I'm not sexy, so I've gotta go with the perfect cut." I say it in a sarcastic tone AND a big smile on my face, both are usually a pretty good indicator that a person is joking. If there was someone with a drum set nearby, the "param-pam-tsssssss" would have been VERY appropriate. Yet, something gets lost in a guy/girl language translation. The guy gets really akward. He stops, looks me up and down, PAUSES, and says: "No, no, you ARE sexy. Seriously, try them on. You ARE sexy, you'll like them."

You guys, he paused. He thought about it. DELIBERATED. And the verdict is in - I am, in fact, sexy. Phew. Cause I was getting worried. And, also, of course, I care about his opinion oh so very much.

I grabbed the jeans and went to the fitting room thinking about what went wrong. First of all, a funny joke was wasted on a person with no sense of humor. I mean, hello. Did he see what I did there? Instead of saying "I don't want low rise jeans dubbed as sexy boot cut", I said "I'm not sexy." Hilaaaaaarious is what it is... is what it is... is what it is. Laugh out loud funny. I know you guys get it. Second of all, did I just get a deliberated self-esteem boost from a stranger? An approval stamp? A verbal "go ahead" to feel confident and good about my body? From a stranger. A stranger?

***insert the sound of screeching tires***

Well, guess what, the "sexy" jeans were more perfect than the "perfect" ones. And when I was buying them, the guy said: "Seeeeeeeeeeeeee?"

Oh, I do seeeeeeeeeeee, thankyouverymuch. I see how much is wrong with youuuuuuuuuu.

Anyway, I started losing weight right after I bought those jeans because that's when my marathon training kicked in. So, my sexy jeans began to look more like mom jeans. SEXY MOM JEANS. Only, there was nothing sexy. Just the right amount of bagginess to remind me that I'm no longer a woman, but a mo... waaaaaaaaait a second!

Well, today - TODAY - I'm celebrating the fact that I've ditched my sexy mom jeans for a smaller pair that I bought a year ago. And I'm not even running right now - that's what happens when I put my mind toward something - I get things done. WOO HOO! I win! And maybe I can begin to let go of my GAP experience.

2010 is gonna be MENTAL. In a good way.

2010-01-04T18:46:00.003-06:00

I'm not quite sure where to start with describing my goals for 2010. This new year has found me at a good point in life. I'm rested, happy, and I'm full of ambition. In fact, I feel a little bit crazy. I feel like I can do ANYTHING. Absolutely anything.

And guess what, the crazy kicked in extra hard right on the first day of this year. There I was sitting on the couch with my man, still digesting the prior night's dinner, he said something like "you should race a half ironman cause you'd rock it", and the next thing I know, I get an email that says:

Dear Ulyana, Congratulations!

You are now registered for

2010 Ironman 70.3 Austin.

Nope, I'm not kidding!!!! And I was the one who registered! Yet, I don't remember doing it! I'm pretty sure you just plain blank out when you do such crazy things like register for Half Ironmans. I don't want to find out what happens when you register for a full one... you prob just walk like a happy-drunk zombie for a week.

Well, I've crossed over to the other side, and there is no way back. And I needed no convincing. Just like a very cheap and easy date. HA!

I have very many other mundane goals - from weight loss to certain training guidelines - but I won't bore you with those right now.

Let me just say that this year is going to be about three major events for me: 1) MS 150 ride in April, 2) San Diego Rock'n'Roll Marathon in June (or some other early summer marathon), and 3) 70.3 Race in October. I can't wait!

For the millionth time - HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone! I enjoyed reading your 2009 reviews and 2010 goal lists.

2009 - The Year of Recovery and Trying New Things

2010-01-01T11:30:00.005-06:00

Hello, my name is Ulyana, and I am an addict. I have the most pleasant, wonderful, warm, and fuzzy obsession with planning and planners (see the photo above). I have my best friend to thank for that. In 2004, she gave me an innocent-looking, pretty planner. Little did she know, she was acting on behalf of the god of planning himself.

What she gave me was a place to channel my anal-retentive-obsessive-compulsive tendencies. A fix to my horrible short and long-term memory. She gave me something where I can visualize everything I'm doing, everything I've done, and everything I wish and dream to do. A place where I can write all those things in pretty handwriting with pretty inks in pretty bullets, then rank it all in a matter of importance, use a highlighter to emphasize things that must be done this or next week... maybe put some post-its up, and then maybe take them down... and, of course, the most delicious things of all - CROSS THINGS OFF WHEN THEY ARE DONE - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh............

.....ahem... where was I?

Oh yes, planning and planners. One of the ways I celebrate the coming of a New Year is by getting a new planner. I'll spare you all the masturbatory details of this OCD ritual, but I'll mention that at the end of each year I make a list of things accomplished, which is exactly what I've done with 2009.

2009 is gone, and I can proudly dub it as the year of recovery and trying new things.

I know I write about this often, and I promise I'll stop soon, but at the end of 2008, I lost my running friend in a marathon we were doing together. That turned my world upside down in a way I couldn't have imagined. So, 2009 was about recovering from that tragedy, gaining emotional stability, and feeling grounded again. 2009 was about finding ways to go on while not being able to stick to any plans that would help me do that (oooh, i get it... the planning freak couldn't stick with plans... it's funny cause it's true!!!) At first, 2009 was about putting the running shoes on again - despite the pain - and then it became about trying to run whenever I could. The year that just ended was about running for the sake of running. And, now that we are in 2010, I feel rested emotionally and physically. I'm ready for 2010 to be full of new accomplishments.

Well, what helped me to recover? Doing new things. That was the only way I could focus on what I could change in my life.

And the new things I've done are:

- Tried a new running coach for a few months. She introduced me to heart rate training, proper recovery, and proper nutrition. This is really priceless and I'm forever grateful.
- Learned how to play volleyball. Playing beach volleyball in San Diego is one of my most favorite things in the world. It's always beautiful... and it didn't hurt that I didn't suck as a beginner.
- Ran a 15K. What an odd, but fun distance. 7:36 min/mile pace - well done, I think.
- Ran three 5K's. Fun, short, and sweet. I placed in top three in two of these races.
- Ran a half marathon and placed 4th.
- Learned how to swim. This is a big one. I've started with not being able to do 200 meters in the pool without getting winded and could swim only "like a froggy", haha. Now I do at least one 1 mile workout a week. I can do bi-lateral breathing (not for too long, but it's better than nothing) and I'm decent at freestyle.
- Did an 800 meter swim race to test that new skill of mine.
- Overcame my fear of biking. This is probably the hugest sport accomplishment of the last decade for me (beats all 5 marathons, for sure). Here's a funny post about my biking past. In short, I had a childhood accident after which I was simply terrified of biking. I re-learned how to bike when I was 18 in Denmark where everyone bikes, but I was still afraid of it a lot. At the ripe age of 25, I decided that it was time to get over this stupid fear and that it was time to grow up. Of course, the first time I came out, I fell off the damn bike, landing right on my knee right in front of a car that was getting out of the parking garage (gave an excellent opportunity for the driver to check if his breaks work). There were many other falls. The end result: no broken bones, and I AIN'T AFRAID!
- Got my first new road bike. And thus, 2009 became the year I stopped riding on hand-me-downs.
- Got clipless pedals. If I can ride and I'm not falling, what does it mean and what should I do? It means biking's become too easy, and I must make it harder. What another way is there to challenge your fear of biking and complete lack of sense of balance but by attaching your feet to the pedals? Right? There came more falls and more bruises. I AIN'T AFRAID, though.
- Learned I have exercise induced asthma. This was great because now I could address my breathing issues.
- Did two sprint triathlons. With all that swimming, biking, and running, it was meant to be. And I had a lot of fun and did pretty well. Here's the first, and here's the second.
- Played golf on a real golf course. This was very random, and I don't think I'll keep it up, but I'm glad I did it!

I think this summarizes all my sport related accomplishments for 2009. In the end, all I know is that running is my most favorite thing to do. I also know that you cannot get anywhere without setting clear goals and making solid plans. I didn't (because I couldn't) make any goals for running in 2009, and I didn't get anywhere in that area. But now I'm ready to make 2010 a year of running PR's, but that's a topic for another post.

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! It'll be a good one.

Just Pause

2009-12-28T08:42:00.000-06:00

This Christmas I really felt loved. I got like hundreds of dollars worth of gifts!!!

JUST KIDDING!

It was just so awesome to be with my family and then with the in-laws. Not to mention FOUR DAYS OFF from work. I got to a lot of things on my to-do list that have been on there for months, and I can finally scratch them off. I also got quite a bit of rest. All in all, it was a full, well-balanced holiday break.

But most importantly, I got to savor and appreciate what a good point in life I'm at. At the in-laws', there was a lot of talk about babies. "You'd have cute babies". "You should have babies." "When will you have babies?". BABIES. And on Sunday, I visited my old coach, and, guess what she asked me, "When will you have babies?".

And for the first time in a very long while, this question didn't freak me out. Up until now, I've felt so rushed. You go to college, you graduate, you get a job, you get married, you buy a house, you get babies, you send them to college, you retire, and then you die. HURRY UP!!!! Hurry up and die already, right?

So, for the first time, saying and thinking "not now" didn't feel like I'm missing some special baby train. All I felt was this overwhelming sensation of how young I am and how things are just beginning. And that was so refreshing, because up until now I've felt like I'm rapidly getting old. Yeah, and I'm 25. But before you start pointing at me and laughing, let me explain.

I graduated about 4.5 years ago. Since then, I've got my first "big person" job, got my first car, my mom moved in with me after Katrina, we bought a house together (turns out buying your first house consumes a lot of your, um, everything), I wrecked my first car, got engaged, relocated to California, got married, ran several marathons and other races, dealt with humangous amounts of debt, took art and business classes to prevent my brain from atrophying, lost a friend in a marathon, my husband went to school and got his master's, we traveled, and did God knows what else. That feels like a lot. So much that I started to feel like I was getting old fast. And right now - now that my husband and I both have jobs and are both in a stable, good place - right now is a good place for a break. We need to just pause for a bit. Enjoy, relax, appreciate the "now". The race toward the end can wait. Don't you agree? I feel 18 all over again.

And, funny enough, "pausing" is where I am with my running right now. I'm not waiting until Houston. I really hurt my ankle this weekend, and I have to take a break. Yeah, sad face. I personally already had a great story drawn out in my head... where I run Houston, qualify, and "avenge" my friend's death, all on a swollen hurting ankle... preferrably with the theme from "Chariots of Fire" playing in the background.

Well, not gonna happen. If I learned anything, it's that - being old and all (yes, please do laugh) - I still don't know where the line between being a quitter or a smart person deciding to stop is. All I know right now is that I'm sure not a quitter, but I don't remember making any smart decisions.

When I was doing my 5 mile walk of shame to the car after this past weekend's long run went into the crapper, I was thinking about how I'd write about this decision on here and how I'll disappoint all of you. But then I thought about all of the "I can't run my next marathon" reports I have read from others, and not once did I think "GAH! WTF! I've been reading your blog for so long, I can't believe you won't run the race, I'm so disappointed! ENTERTAIN ME!" What I did was understand what the person was going through and write a supporting comment. So, I know you guys understand, and I really appreciate that.

Well, I'm off to enjoy my "pause" ;) Hope every single one of you had wonderful holiday break.

A walker? A runner? Nope, A PREGNANT RACE HORSE!

2009-12-22T10:01:00.004-06:00

Where did Ulyana go? Oh, I don't know. I only share a brain and a body with her, and why oh why would she flake on such a wonderful thing as blogging about running, I don't know! FOR A WHOLE WEEK! Crazy stuff.

You might have noticed that pretty much all of my posts specifically about running cover only my long runs. That's because my running right now is one boring "blah" of easy jogging at a comfortable pace - thanks to the stupid rrrrrankle injury. So, really, the only time I get a glimpse of that special running high is when I jog for a looooong time. Like for 18 miles.

So, guess what I'll be writing about today? Oh why, but about my long run, of course! (Was that even English? My first language is Communist, so I just can't tell sometimes.)

But before I delve into my JOG REPORT, let me entertain you with a lovely story about my body. Actually, about the public's opinion about my body. Because strangers seem to feel very free to comment about it and what it reminds them of (thankfully, I didn't get any "what I'd like to do to it" comments yet).

For example, recently, an innocent looking fella inquired as to whether I'm about to pop any time.

And, even more recently, this last Saturday, actually, another man decided to express how he feels about my body.

There I was standing in a line at a post office. Minding my own business. When suddenly, an older man calls out to me: "Miss, are you a runner or a walker?". I pause for a bit at an odd question and answer: "I'm a runner." And he goes: "Cause you've got legs like a RACE HORSE!"

Uh... What?

Pause for a sec.

Wait... What?

I turn away from him with a mandatory polite smile - fake, of course - and he says in my direction: "I bet you haven't heard that today!"

I responded with a simple "no", but, honestly, I haven't heard that in my ENTIRE life... and probably won't hear that again. He followed up with something about how good it is for my health to run, blah blah blah, who cares...

And I'm not putting up any photos here. Let your imagination do its thing. My mid-section looks like there is another being growing in there, and a race horse would be jealous of my legs.

There. Enjoy.

So, here we are, and no one cares about my jog report. But I did run. My long run was slightly over 18 miles and I covered it in something like 2 hrs and 36 mins, giving me an 8:31 pace. Not too shabby for a jogging pregnant race horse ;)

PS. Welcome to my new readers! And I haven't opened my reader in about a week, so I'll be catching up on your lives over Christmas. But I'm around, and I'm not going anywhere.

My Weird Gym

2009-12-15T19:54:00.003-06:00

I go to a local community center to get my exercise on. It's super cheap - $35 for my entire family - AND it has a great swimming pool that's pretty much always empty.

Of course, there are trade-offs. For example, some of the equipment is "eh". But who cares when the swimming pool ROCKS, right? Also, this community gym is just perfect for people watching. There are all types of people.

For example, there is one guy who's a regular at the treadmills whom I now avoid. Why? Because the dude runs in sync with you. His right leg together with your right, his left with your left. I accelerate and lengthen my stride, and he catches up. Plus, he has a buddy who - and it never, ever fails - comes to chat with him and stands right in between the treadmills for 10 minutes at a time. That is so dangerous and is just as annoying as running in sync.

Then we have a lady who comes in and sits on the bike with her giant purse on her belly. She's obviously paranoid to leave it in the car... but why not keep the bag right by the bike within your sight - why keep it on your belly???

In the weight room, there is a regular screamer. You literally hear his insides rip when he lifts incredible amounts of weight... no wonder he screams. It's just his screams make you cringe.

And today, another character. A guy in business pants with suspenders in polished leather black shoes on an elliptical. Yeah. That's a level of commitment we can be jealous of, right?

Well, and who am I? I'm probably the mouth breather who should stop staring at others... Although I do try to put on a "don't you dare talk to me, I'm working out" face on ;)

A Year Past

2009-12-14T13:26:00.002-06:00

Today is December 14. Exactly a year ago, I participated in the Dallas White Rock marathon where I lost a friend. We found each other at mile 10 or so and ran together until mile 21, after which I just wasn't able to keep up any more. At mile 22, she collapsed and died almost immediately.

It's been a year, and I've got some distance. But I still don't understand what happened. On this day, I'm thinking of Erin's family and close friends. I hope they are one step closer to celebrating her life without crying over the loss. Erin brought a lot of light to everyone around her, and this is truly a tremendous loss.

Great Pleasure

2009-12-11T22:12:00.006-06:00

My hubby and I are on a very short and sweet vacation. And, honestly, when we landed, we really didn't know what we were going to have - a vacation or four days of work. Thankfully, a pair of fortune cookies clarified it for us. We grabbed Chinese food right before we got to our hotel, and my cookie said "You will have an enjoyable vacation" and my husband's cookie said "Great pleasure awaits your company". A sigh of relief, people! Because we really didn't know what we were going to do... go to the office or bum around... you know, after PLANNING the vacation.

So fun when fortune cookies actually contain fortune AND the said (good only, of course) fortune comes true on the spot. Plus, imagine all the immature jokes we cracked about the pleasure awaiting my husband's company! Eh? Eh? Is that the fortune cookie porn? One little piece of paper, the rest is up to your imagination.

Anyway, VACATION. Aren't those fun? A change of pace, a lot of fun, and a bit of lazy. The highlight of our vacation was the Metallica concert. My husband LOVES Metallica. I'm pretty sure he'd leave me if he met one of the band members. So, even though I like Metallica, I'm no metal fan, and I'm afraid anything I write won't do justice to this band. The words that come to mind are "WOW", "AWESOME", "THE SHOW ROCKED", "METALLICA'S HUGE", and "WOW".

As you can imagine, I haven't done much running. According to some people, I look like I should be running for two, but the little running that I would have been able to do was even further decreased because of the damn RRRRRRRRRRRRRankle! And what did me in was 5 hours of walking in heels during my mom's art show (and they weren't even that high... my clown feet are just very untrained when it comes to looking like a lady) and a lot of walking and standing because of travelling and the concert. Yes, you got it, my ankle hurts more from walking than from running 18 miles. Something is very backwards here.

So, I've been exercising in the hotel fitness room - elliptical, bike, weights, core. I'll swim on Sunday the moment I get off the plane.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, and I hope great pleasure awaits every single one of you ;)

So, how far along are you, exactly?

2009-12-08T22:26:00.005-06:00

A while back I wrote about how I was unhappy with my weight. After the loss of my friend at the disastrous White Rock marathon in Dallas, I ate my way out of sadness. The result was quite a few unwanted pounds. I whined about it here, but generally decided to drop the subject because, really, how much could I say when the only thing left to do was to eat well and keep on running?

Which is what I've been doing this entire year, and I'm just beginning to see the results. I'm feeling great, I'm losing weight (well, I'm losing more fat than weight... I'm a mean muscle machine, haha). I think I look better than I did three months ago, or 6 months ago, and way better than I did 9 months ago. In short, over the last few days, I've noticed that I'm much fitter, and I've been especially happy about the progress.

And that brings us to tonight. It was my mom's first personal art show in Austin where a bunch of people came to take a look at her art. Some of the people were our friends, while others learned about the show through newspapers or word of mouth.

So, picture this. A guy, a stranger, comes in. He's very nice, a bit akward and shy. He spends some time walking around the gallery and looking at the art and then approaches me and a girl I was talking to by a table with food. As he leans over to get something to eat, he proceeds to make conversation.

And he picks the worst subject in the world and goes somewhere where no stranger, man or woman, should ever go.

As he picks a piece of vegetable and dips it into ranch dressing, he eyes my stomach and goes: "So, how far along are you?"

Yeah.

Um.

Yeeeaaah.

And the guy's completely serious.

This incident was something you'd expect to see in an episode of The Office, the British one, the one where you can touch awkwardness as you watch the show. I think the word I'm looking for is "palpable".

What followed was a lot of awkward on top of awkward on top of more awkward. And, of course, it's me he asks that question. And I can't keep my shit together when I find something very funny. So, with the stupidest, hugest, and plain rudest grin on my face, I say, very loudly: "OH, I'M NOT PREGNANT".

After which, the poor guy dropped his carrot, said something about him trying to get pregnant with his fiance (great thinking on the spot, right? right?), and literally ran for the door. It all happened in a split second. Carrot. Swaying door.

This is really a new one for me. Because up to this point, I've had akward "it's none of your business what shape I am" discussions, but they pertained more to how fit I am now than when compared to 5 years ago. One time, I ran into a college friend at a bar, and the first thing that came out of his mouth was him yelling: "ULYANA!!!! HAVE. YOU. LOST. AAAAAA LOOOOOOOOOOOOT OF WEIGHT????!!!!!!!!???". I think at that point the music stopped playing and people froze in mid-move. Okay, maybe not. But I distinctly remember not being able to say anything. I think that was the time I discovered that there, in fact, IS space between thoughts. And I also remember the girls around us turning around and staring at him for his rudeness.

Now the tables have turned.

ULYANA, HAVE YOU GAINED A LOOOOOT OF WEIGHT????!!!!

I'm kidding, of course. Let's be fair. The pregnancy guy seemed a bit akward. Maybe he didn't know any better. And the baloon-ish empire waist dress didn't help the situation either ;)

Great Story, Grandma!

2009-12-07T10:16:00.003-06:00

I really didn't bring my "CAN DO" attitude for my long run this past Sunday.
I'm glad I was running with a friend - Jonathan, because he really made the run happen.

I've written about him before. He's the guy who's done several Bostons and his best Houston time was something like 2:45 (I don't even want to begin to calculate the pace for that...).

And he is not stuck up at all. He runs WITH me. Not we start together and I watch him disappear, he actually runs by my side... no matter my pace. And if I'm falling behind and he gets a bit ahead of me, he turns around and joins me again.

I appreciate that. What I also appreciate is that we are still running. Jonathan is the only thing I have from my running life before Erin's death. After Erin died, things fell apart. My coach stopped training and just kinda dropped the ball on everything, the group stopped meeting, I was all mopy (yes, yes, I am, in fact, Captain Understatement), and it seemed things would never be the same. Of course, they won't be the same overall. But running with Jonathan comforts me somehow because that one thing is still the same. Running with him reminds me of a simpler time.

I know, "great story, grandma!"

So, this last long run? 18 miles at an average pace of 8:40. Jonathan's training plan called for 14 miles, so I ran 14 with him at an average pace of 8:25, and finished the last four by myself at an easy recovery pace.

This run was really fun. We started out at 9min/mile pace and gradually accelerated to 7:40 pace. IT WAS AWESOME to run that fast at mile 14. Yay me! Er, yay us!

The ankle is okay, it seems. It does get aggravated after every serious run, but for just one day. My plan to run every other or every two days with quality cross training and appropriate amount of recovery seems to be working. Of course, to heal it completely, I'd need to stop running altogether. But, as I've told you, it's just a few weeks left until this marathon for which I've registered and started training forever ago, so I'm giving it a shot. And then, it's a BIG BREAK!

Treadmill is for Cheaters!

2009-12-02T09:49:00.002-06:00

I say that jokingly, of course... and the fact that I took a whole week off from running until yesterday to see if my rankle would heal probably played a huge role in how easy it was to run yesterday... on the treadmill (aka dreadmill, haha!).

And I practically never run on the treadmill. But yesterday, it was freezing and raining all day long (not to mention how it gets dark early... stupid winter!), so I opted out for a run on the treadmill.

It was so much fun! I really forgot how great it can be to run indoors. I wouldn't be able to do it all the time, but once in a while, it's a blast.

First of all, you can blatantly stare at yourself in the mirror and evaluate your stride and your posture. Where else can you do that? Definitely not at the mall staring at the sorta-reflective windows trying to catch your reflection (when shopping, of course, I haven't met the age requirements for mall walking...). And the last time I checked, there are NO mirrors on the trails. YEAH! Horrible! And I just LOVE to look at my good looking self.

Vain much? Heck yeah.

But most importantly I ran FAST. 4 miles in 30 minutes fast. That's 7:30 pace, right? I know I don't run that fast on a normal run, yet it felt I wasn't working harder than I usually do. So, that made me think of whether treadmill running is a bit easier. The belt pulls each foot back after every step for you, so you don't have to work as hard. Plus the surface seems softer, and that really eases all the pounding. What do you guys think? Did you notice the same thing?

Like I said at the beginning, I might have been just super rested, and it was just easy to run. The ankle feels okay, but I ***know*** I have to take it very easy the next couple of days or I'll be where I was last week.

Thank you all for your feedback. I read every comment and take it to heart. I am going to take a break. Since I was very fortunate to snatch a spot at Houston, have thought and dreamt about it for a while now, and already spent some cha-ching on it, I'll continue training and will see if maybe I'll be able to run it. It's less than a month and a half away, and I think it's worth continuing training. After that, it's a long serious break from long-distance running. It'll be fun events and events with cause... like sprint tris and my MS150 ride. And, more importantly, there will be some much needed quiet times.

BaD-ASs - My Proposition Against Stupid Annoying X-mas Music

2009-11-27T15:49:00.005-06:00

I don't have much time to write a meaningful, thoughtful post right now (yes, all my posts are meaningful and thoughtful... I'm a serious person). I've been planning to write a post about how I love Thanksgiving. How there are so many other - much cooler - holidays we can pick from: Halloween, for example, or my birthday (yes, my birthday IS a national holiday). I was going to write about how I love Thankgiving for the special, non-commericalized family time. It's not mandatory gift-giving time. It's mandatory get together, be grateful and loving time. We need more of those in the year.

But, you know, what? There is a bigger, better reason why I love Thanksgiving.

I love Thanksgiving because there is no STUPID, ANNOYING Thanksgiving music.

I find myself sitting and working in coffee shops a lot. Not because I like sipping on a latte and pretending to read a book while really people watching (preferrably wearing a cool hat). I just have got to finish a bunch of things before the year end, and nothing will get accomplished at home where there is a tv, a couch, a bed, a refrigerator... you get the point.

So, coffee shops. What's today? The day after Thanksgiving. And where am I? At Starbucks. The most corporate of places on Earth. And what do they think of the day after Thanksgiving at Startbucks? Oh, why, it's CHRISTMAS! Yes, they do realize it's still November. But we've got just a stinky little MONTH before Christmas and we must, simply MUST use every single moment to absorb, savor, and appreciate the spirit of Christmas, best expressed through fake snow and Christmas carrols. Oh, JOY!

People, we need a revolution of American suburbs. Who's with me? We can call it "Business Diversity for American Suburbs", or BaD-ASs. Rolls right off the tongue, I think. Because THIS is just getting silly. It's really not normal to begin putting up Christmas trees in mid-November in very warm Texas or Southern California. It's not normal to begin playing Christmas music all day long, every day right after Thankgiving. It's just not normal. And this is really common business sense. Just like you don't play the same CD over and over at a restaurant because you will certainly ruin the entire dinner for some of your customers who definitely won't return, you don't play the same Christmas music for an entire month.

And no, headphones don't help. Unless, you carry the ones in the photo above.

Taking a Risk

2009-11-22T17:38:00.006-06:00

Hi, guys! 'Hope everyone is doing well!

Things are going great. I'm trying to keep my ankle in a painless state, and I'm succeeding. No hills, no track, just simple, straight-forward running at a speed no faster than 8 min/mile pace (like I can run faster than that, haha!!!).

I suppose this is essentially me trying to "run through" an injury. While on this blog I try to be a good example to follow, and I like to share pointers on how to train properly, I would advise doing what I'm doing right now only with extreme caution. In fact, if I were to give out any advices, I'd say it's better to sit any injury out.

I'm taking a risk. If I do everything right - i.e. if I don't overtrain, avoid any form of hard running, continue cross/strength training, maintain a good mileage volume, stretch properly, take icebaths, and so on - it will work. But there is still risk that it won't work out.

But I almost need to take this risk. I'm making a stand, a choice. Here's why.

It feels all I've been doing over the past 3.5 years is train for marathons. This is my 8th marathon that I'm training for (if you count 5 I completed and 2 I didn't show up at the start line for personal reasons while being fully ready), and - for me personally - this is a bit too much. I want to take a break. After the Houston marathon in mid-January, I'm taking a break from long distance running. I will rest physically and mentally for an entire year. If I'm lucky, I'll start training for Boston marathon in January of 2011, and, if I don't qualify during Houston, I'll be back at pursuing my goal of qualifying once again. Either way, since I'll be taking such a significant break after Houston, I want that marathon to be a good one.

In the mean time, I'll take up cycling very seriously - I have that MS 150 ride in spring of next year. And I'll also jump into triathlons. Swimming has been just awesome lately, and maybe I have an olympic distance triathlon in me.

Another reason why I'm sticking with Houston right now and not taking time off because of the ankle is that this - right now - is THE time to train. If I miss it, I won't be prepared for Houston. And there is no amount of money you can pay me to run a marathon unprepared.

I have other reasons. This will be the first marathon that I'll actually (HOPEFULLY) run since the disastrous Dallas marathon where my friend died. I want to run this thing and I want to do well. Also, something that pales in comparison with being motivated because of what happened in Dallas, I've been gaining speed and fitness at a good rate, yet my marathon times do not demonstrate what I'm capable of.

So, there, perhaps I'll pay for what I'm doing now. But I'm being as smart as possible (given we all decide to overlook the fundamental stupidity of trying to run through an injury), I'm being as careful as possible, and I'm taking a risk. Fingers crossed.

This week I mainly hung out at the gym - biking, weight lifting, and a ton of swimming. I only ran twice during the week. This helped my ankle recover and I was able to do a good 16 mile run this morning. My time yet again improved. Not by much, but it improved. Today, I ran this distance in 2:15:09 with a pace of 8:27 min/mile, while last week I did it in 2:17:00 (8:35 pace), and the week before that one in 2:28:00 (9:16 pace). I'm happy :)

What I really liked is that I'm getting used to this distance. My muscles are not sore at all, and I'm not wiped out the way I was after I ran this distance the last two weeks. Next weekend - an 18 miler. Oh, yeah, kicking butts and taking names.

We All Know One

2009-11-19T17:07:00.006-06:00

I'm the one on the right. Your right. Or on the annoyed bird's left. I'm the retard. I think you can't go any clearer than that

"Why?" you ask. "But you are so clever and so smart?" you say.

(Oh God, when will I stop conversations with the computer screen? Conversations that all revolve around praising me yet exposing my weaknesses?.... I just can't stop, can I?)

But I can prove to you with my eyes closed (I guess that means I don't need to look at the keyboard when I type) that I am just like that crazy retard owl (Or is that an eagle? I can never tell with those sneaky bastards):

1) Two months ago I go running early in the morning on stiff limbs at a pace too fast for my body in very old shoes. End result? Rankle injury.
2) Two weeks ago, after taking a serious break from serious running, I go back to the track. End result? Rankle aggravated yet again.
3) A week ago, even though I knew hard running still made my ankle upset, I went and did a hill workout. End result? The thing that starts with an "r" is again in pain (yup, the rankle).
4) Yesterday, I wrote a post complaining yet again about the same injury.
5) Today, I run 7 miles.

Case closed. Now you all know one.

In my defense, I didn't run yesterday, the rankle didn't hurt all day today and doesn't hurt now. If it doesn't hurt, I'll snatch any opportunity to run.

Yet, you still all know one.

RAAAANKLE!

2009-11-18T12:05:00.000-06:00

What's cooking, good lookings?!

Nothing's much with me. Just pondering this whole marathon training thing I'm doing right now.

Ok, I'll be less vague. Remember how 2 or so months ago, my rankle (aka right ankle) started acting up? And then after taking some time off from running completely followed by easy running, I returned to the track two weeks ago. Well, ever since then, the rankle was back at it - calling the whah-whah-whaaaaambulance with all the stupid pain. So, it looks like hard running equals pain in this marathon training cycle. And training for a marathon without hard running equals a bunch of "boring".

Boo-hoo. Not to mention slow progress.

I apologize, I should have opened this post with "welcome to my pity party". Great misery is to be had by all. The menu features shit hors d'oeuvres, tears punch, and cookies made of cement. Activities include kicking each other in the groin and calling each other's mothers names. Everyone will be in a world of pain because Ulyana can't run the way she wants.

Yeah.

That was weird. Mooooving on.

Anyway, I'm back on the bike and in the pool. Here's to hoping I get trained enough to qualify. I so, so, so don't want to run another marathon and be a few seconds or even a couple of minutes away from qualifying. This is the face I made after my last *good* marathon where I was 16 seconds away from qualifying (that's a lack of follow through for ya):

That's my fake smile. And I so don't want to have to make that face ever again. RANKLE, stop it! Let me train!

Looking Like Death, Then Not, and Running Faster

2009-11-15T19:06:00.007-06:00

Do you ever find yourself running around like a crazy person with no time for the things you need to do to even... oh, I don't know... look like decently? Over the last three weeks, in between work, running, and other too-boring-to-list here things, I found myself going, going, and going from 7 am til way after midnight without any downtime. And me likey my stupid stare-at-the-TV downtime. Me also likey sleep time, and 6-7 hours is just not enough for this moi.

The aftermath of being busy? Ok, I'll show you something. Here's my plant. As you can see it's on the verge of dying. Thanks to me.

And this is how it's supposed to look... all firm, very green with round leaves:

And it wasn't only my plant that looked like death these last few weeks. I did a great job myself. There were moments when the only way you could tell I was a girl was by using some kind of scientific method. 1) Limited facial hair, 2) Boobs, 3) Enters ladies bathroom.

So, I dediced it was time to get myself in check. And I made a resolution that going forward I'll start with showing up to work only looking proper - i.e. enough of the sweaty runner in running clothes look (it's a casual workplace so I could get away with that). The first thing I did? I got a haircut.... TAH-DAH:

I'm going to skip the "before" picture. Just think of what's a human equivalent of a dying plant is, and that was me!

Another thing I did is catch up on sleep. I ran my 16 miles today and then took a 5 hour nap. How great is that??? What was even better is that this week's 16 miler was like 50 times better than the last week's one.

First, of all, I ran it 11 minutes faster. YEAH! Instead of 2:28, my time was 2:17, and my pace improved from 9:16 mins per mile to 8:35.

Most importantly, I had no stomach problems. I don't usually write about my bowel movements here... but there seems to be a limit on the number of miles I can run without setting up a shit camp somewhere (whoa, overboard, Ulyana!). That limit is 12 miles for me. My husband suggested that I take immodium before going on a run... to follow Toby's running routine from The Office (I don't know about you, guys, but we live our lives just like the characters in our favorite comedy shows... cause that makes sense and isn't sad at all). So I did. And it worked! And I ran 16 miles nonstop and didn't feel any funny urges at all. Win-win-win.

Alright, I'm going to continue to veg out because I really need it or I'll lose it. LOSE IT, I TELL YA!

Mild Heart Attack My Butt

2009-11-12T10:01:00.005-06:00

Raise your hand if you are tired of the media villifying the sport of marathon! You can't see it, but I'm raising both of mine.

Undoubtedly, you run the risk of dying because of doing marathons (just as with any activity, really), but I'm just getting so tired of the media trying to portray marathons as something so dangerous you'd have to be out of your mind to undertake it. And, the bottom line is - this is just plain fear mongering.

It starts with obscure statistics.

For example, this article says something as ridiculous as this: "Studies have shown 1 in every 50,000 to 88,000 marathon finishers die during or after a race, according to Runner's World, a leading industry magazine." This is a perfect example of fear mongering. They use a statistic that 1) doesn't make sense: Is it one in every 50,000 or 88,000? Using that kind of statistic is just like saying "maybe half die, maybe all do"; 2) is vague and obscure: Which group am I in - the 50,000 or the 88,000 - I'd like to know because a difference of 38,000 people is huge, to say the least. I participated in events with nearly 20,000 runners each... and I admit it'd be scary to see someone drop dead at every third such event I attend; and 3) relies on fake authority: There are a lot of copies of Runner's World sold, therefore we have to believe it. I mean it's THE running god telling us running is dangerous through scary and unclear numbers. Plus, I don't know about you guys, but I cited Runner's World in all my school science projects.

So, there you are: confused and scared because someone said something that doesn't make sense and means absolutely nothing.

Funny, isn't it?

And then we have this genius announce that: "Statistically, the risk of death is less than 1 percent for every 100,000 runners, reports CBS News correspondent Kimberly Dozier." Besides relying on fake authority (yeah, citing your co-worker is the way to go), the author really needs to brush up on the meaning of percentages: be it 1% of 100,000 runners, or 1% of a billion of runners, or 1% percent of 20 runners, it is still 1% of running population. Plus how much less of 1% is that number (if it's very close to 1%, then, if my math is right, that's 1 person out of 100 that dies, and that's just plain untrue). Again, vague fear mongering.

And this fear mongering culminates with the use of scary words.

The same genius goes on to say (probably with a very serious demeanor) that: "A Canadian study showed marathoners' blood post-race was like that of a mild heart attack victim. Yet, you don't have to have a medical check up to sign up." Again, readers see "heart attack" and start panicking. The source is not listed, and it's not clear what the long term effects of running a marathon are. Who wants to give themselves a heart attack, right? Nevermind that when we train, we put temporary stress on our bodies and heart to have many mini heart attacks so that in the long run we don't have a big one that kills us. That's called training. The point is the long term effects.

And the bottom line, you can be ready as hell and still die in a marathon, and not being ready doesn't mean you'll kill yourself running. It is the unknown, unscreenable factors that determine when your time is up. Until we can determine those factors, let's focus on the overwhelming number of long term positive effects of running (long and short distance) and keep doing it while being very safe.

If you have time, here's an interesting study that talks about the connection between training levels and the effect of running a marathon on your heart. No fear mongering whatsoever.

The Dog That Found Severed Feet

2009-11-09T12:09:00.005-06:00

This past weekend was spent in Corpus Christi, TX. The whole city seems to be so run down that I can't help it but feel sad when I'm there. It's no Austin, and it's no San Diego. Even when you are in the nice area, you can't help it but want to return with your own lawn mower or a bucket of paint and fix those "mansions" up. Sigh.

I'm not stuck up, I swear! Just really spoiled :) I grew up in a Russian city that was very similar to Corpus Christi in the way it was upkept. But in America, I've lived only in nice places, and I really, really, really appreciate it.

So, not being a big fan of Corpus, I was kinda dreading the 16 miler scheduled for Saturday. I didn't believe I was going to finish the entire long run up until I was almost done with it. At that point, the little voice in my head said "you shall finish", and I said "well, duh, I'm two miles away from the car... I gotta".

I started off with the Corpus Christi Road Runners group, and I had a companion for the first three miles. After that I was on my own - my pace didn't match others. My goal was to do this run easy just because I've done some solid long runs already, and it was time to, uh, "savor" it.

And savor it I did. While I ran the first 5 miles at a decent 8:30 pace, the next 7 were all at inclines of varying degrees (and I thought Corpus Christi was flat! Wrong!), so I slowed down and finished the run in about 2.5 hours with an average pace of 9:16. I'm okay with that! Plus, there was red tide (I was running by the water), and the stink was incredible! I think by the end of the run, I was hallucinating, violently scratching my neck and arms, and giggling to myself like I know something no one else does.

Well, maybe not, but there were a few funny things in my 16 mile adventure. Like this one statue. To find it extra funny, you'd have to have seen an episode of Arrested Development where Gob's son looks him up through an agency that connects children with their missing fathers. The meetup is set in a park with a statue of a child holding on to his parent's hand. Yet, it is just that - a hand - the sculptor chose not to complete the parent's body, and it looks like the kid just stands there offering a chopped off hand to the sky. So, in the episode they refer to the park as the place where "that boy found a severed hand" and there are several jokes about the statue boy seeking his father's approval (hey, dad, look what I got [i.e. the severed hand]!!!... anything for his fathers approval). You can kinda see the statue in the video below (It's not much of a video, though, and I can't find a good photo of it! But, really, if you can, watch the entire show).

So, at about mile 13 into my long run, I stumble on a statue that reminded me of that Arrested Development episode and made me regret not having a camera with me. It was a statue of a dog looking up into the sky with two human feet planted right in front of it nicely chopped off at the ankles. Perhaps the intent was to show a dog listening to its master, but it looked more like an aftermath of an abduction done in a split second by aliens (Oh, snap, the feet are still on Earth!).

Now, maybe I won't be so harsh when talking about Corpus. There is a place dear to my heart... that place where that dog found severed feet.

Not funny, you say? Watch Arrested Development, travel to Corpus, run 13 miles, and look at that statue. Preferrably during a red tide. I promise you, you'll pee your pants. It's a recipe for laughter that's been proven to work!

Well, there are more 16, 18, and 20 milers ahead of me, and it only gets better ;)

A Swimming PR??? What-What?!

2009-11-05T12:15:00.000-06:00

Another PR in the 400 meter distance since I started swimming this year! The beauty is in the numbers, so.... here are my times for the 400 meter swim chronologically:

June 12 - 10 mins 20 secs
July 8 - 9 mins 35 secs
Sept 27 - 8 mins 15 secs
November 5 - 8 mins 01 sec

And I didn't really train! I realize I'm bragging, but what else are blogs for?

Honestly, though, I really feel like I don't know what I am doing in the pool. There is plenty of potential, and I'm really lacking direction and structure.

So, this makes me think about that magical Christmas wish list. I'm already asking Santa for a bike trainer, and, then, I think another good thing to ask for would be this. It's a combination of an instructional video, e-book, and water-proof drill cards developed by a tri swim coach Kevin Koskella.

I've been reading his site and following his advice, but - again - there's just not much structure to that. Plus, trying to learn to swim through reading about it is like trying to hug your imaginary friend. It only gets you so far!!! It seems a video and materials with photos and detailed instructions are a good next step for a beginner like me.

Other options:
- Masters (I'm not strong or fast enough yet. But, more importantly, from what I've read/heard, you must come into masters with a pretty solid stroke b/c you might do a lot of damage to yourself trying to keep up with everyone if you can't keep your form when swimming fast)
- Private instruction (Uh, too pricey, can't justify it yet...)
- Adult classes (These are so hard to find! They are expensive, as well, and are practically impossible to fit into my schedule).

So, buying that video/book/cards package seems like a good next step. Any thoughts/advice for/against?

Thanks guys!

My runs are getting longer, and longer, and longer, and ....

2009-11-01T18:47:00.000-06:00

This weekend has been like a fairy tale. Running, good food, time with my hubby, good movies, and plenty of rest and sleep.

My long run this weekend was a 14 miler. This run wasn't easy, but it was good.

After about mile 8, it was hard to maintain my 8:10-something minute pace. I ran the first 10 miles at an average pace of 8:16, but then I felt apart. I did miles 11-13 at 8:40 pace and ran the last one in 8:20 even though I felt like I was pushing for a sub-8 min mile. Overall, for all 14 miles, my pace was 8:24 mins/mile. My legs hurt, burned, and at some point began throwing f-bombs at me.

I know you are like "So, where's the "good" part?" Well, the good part is that this is the first run since the early spring of this year where the limiting factor in my running wasn't my lung capacity. This time I couldn't keep my pace because my legs were in pain, not because it felt like I had a child's lungs and the oxigen wasn't getting to my limbs. And it felt great! This means the asthma meds are working. And the legs - well, I have a bunch of reasons for why they were acting up - lack of sleep, a lot more running during the week than usual, and skipping yoga. All these things are easily fixable and you don't need months of meds to take care of them.

Next week is my hard week. I'm finally returning to the track. It's been about 6 weeks since my last track session. I've been avoiding it to make sure my ankle is completely healed. Also, next week, I'm not skipping Bikram yoga and will do 16 miles for my long run. I'm very excited!

Enjoy your week!

Your Christmas Wish List?

2009-10-28T20:34:00.003-05:00

Hello, gals and girls! Er, where did guys go? Or, more accurately, where did my English go?

Are ya'll running? Cause I AM! I don't know, but I'm in this weird running groove. I just want to run, and it feels I can go for hours. My first coach's husband would say how I should have been a sprinter (because my thighs are so huge and muscular - you know, girls, wouldn't you love to get such a "compliment"? And you, guys, don't you just love giving such "compliments"?). But, even if my thighs are built for, ahem, huge bursts of speed, my soul is all about the distance.

So, today, I went running during lunch. I could only do 5 miles because I had to go back to the office to, ya know, work. And I so wanted to just keep running. Just a couple of hours. That's all. Is that too much to ask? Just a two and a half hour long lunch for running then shower and eating during a work day??? An easy run for the sake of running. Just movement, no goals, no pressure, no timing.

Beautiful, isn't it? Do YOU want to go TO there???

Training is picking up for the Houston marathon. But it's also time to get started thinking about that MS 150 ride I'll be doing. Since it gets dark so early, and it's dark before work, I can't ride during the week. And since I'm doing my long runs on Saturday or Sunday and the local riding clubs do super long rides I can't yet handle, my weekends are shot in terms of riding. So, I've been thinking that, since this situation will not correct itself any time soon, I should get a bike trainer and get some good mileage under my butt (?) so I don't fall off my bike half way through the first day of riding in the MS 150. And, so very conveniently, the gift-giving time of the year is coming up. So, husband? Hello? Wink, wink, wink ;) And nothing's in my eye.

Do you guys have any suggestions on what bike trainer I should get? I'm on a budget!

So far, that's the only "real" thing on my Christmas wish list. I also want to get a swimsuit, but I don't really need it yet, so it'll have to wait!

Do you have any running/triathlon related things on your gift wish list?

Random Much? I'm Still Running, Though!

2009-10-25T21:45:00.000-05:00

Oh, hey-oooh, what's up? Sorry for dropping the ball on this whole blogging thing. I'd give you an excuse, but I don't really have one. I had plenty of time, it's my mind that just decided to take a vacation from thinking about the running.

AND, guess what, the visits/page views didn't drop this week at all. First of all - thanks! Second of all - I'm puzzled because there are times - very frequent times - where I'd write something clever (you know, when you giggle to yourself and just can't wait for the comments to begin pouring in), and I'd get like 20 visits with 19 of those being mine because I'm THAT proud of myself.

Oh, should I have kept that to myself? Too many ugly traits disclosed? I say - dirty (mind) laundry is the thing that keeps this blogging machine running, so I must go on.

Anyway, one of the most exciting things about last week is this looong meeting I got to go to for work. Besides being pretty darn unnecessary, the meeting was rather amusing. For example, and hold on to your seats, I've learned a new word.

And it is....

Ok... you so gonna laugh... oh god....

It is...

SKILLING

The frequent use of this word by this one woman during the meeting just proves that business-speak is going nowhere. No-freaking-where. Soon, we won't make any sense. Soon, they'll have college classes where you can learn to say things like "we will critically maximize the pipeline through synergizing the ETA".

So, "skilling". Different things come to mind - like "skinning" or a threat to kill from someone with a speech impediment (as in "I'm gonna sssss-KILL you"). And, yet, surprisingly, it's none of those things. According to Webster's dictionary, it is "any of various former Scandinavian copper coins and units of value". According to the lady at the meeting it means "training", or "providing training to employees to improve their skills".

Imagine, you are new at your job, and your immediate supervisor goes: "Can you come here for a moment, I need to skill you on something". I'd quit the first day.

Anywhooo, it hasn't been all word play over here, I did actually run. For example, today I ran 12.1 miles in 1:39:39, giving me an average pace of 8:14. Last week, my long run was 10.1 miles long in total time of 1:26:25 with an average pace of 8:33. Today's long run was obviously much better than the last one, but there's still a lot of work to get done!

Have a great week, ya'll!

My Friend's 1st Marathon - A Reason to Keep Going

2009-10-18T19:27:00.005-05:00

My best friend ran and finished her first marathon TODAY! Congratulations, Tanya! This has been a very long journey for her. We started to run together in January of 2004. We quickly found out that we were amazingly dorky nerds when it came to running. We loved the high, the crazy laughter, the challenge, and the pigging out in our college cafeteria after running (yet, we were getting in shape, which is another thing we loved!). If people didn't share this excitement, we'd talk crap behind their backs... because how can you not love running so much that you want to literally jump up and down and talk only about running all the freaking time, right? Totally normal.

We also loved dreaming together about doing crazy distances and, for a while there, were attached at the hip. We did our first few 5K's and 10K's together, placing at some and getting the shit kicked out of us at others, and then we ran our first half in February of 2005. And, after that, our eyes were set on the Austin Marathon in February 2006. Yet, when we began training, Tanya injured her knee, very unexpectedly. And the doctor couldn't say anything except "stay away from running". So, because of sharp knee pain, Tanya didn't run since about mid-2005 until the spring of this year.

Was that really almost 4 years???

After going to Bikram yoga for a while and doing easy runs here and there to test her knee and get it used to running again, Tanya was finally able to start running seriously this year. Imagine not being able to do your most favorite thing for four years, and then finally not only get to run, but also finish a whole freaking marathon. Yeah, that's how awesome what happened today is. And I'm so happy for her! :)

Some Distance and Closure... Running, Next Week, You, Me, Lots of Dates

2009-10-17T10:57:00.005-05:00

I'm back from Dallas. In case you are just tuning in, I was going to a dedication of a memorial plaque at the intersection where my friend died while running in the Dallas White Rock marathon.

We ran the race together. Yet, at mile 22 I started to fall behind, and I missed her collapsing at mile 23. I don't remember much of that part of the course. But what I realized during this last visit to Dallas is that right near the spot where Erin died, I was asking volunteers if I could catch a shuttle to the finish line. I could catch one, but it would mean turning around and going back, i.e. away from the finish line, since I passed the place where the shuttle was parked. At that point, I was walking, completely frustrated that my marathon blew after I put so much into training (several 50-60 mile weeks of running), and if I was to continue to walking, it wasn't going to be away from the finish line.

I now have a clear picture in my mind of the place where Erin died. I appreciate that because the vagueness of that place made me feel uneasy.

The service itself was very pleasant. I was happy to meet her mother, father, and brother. Her husband was there as well. Also, people who were there for Erin when she died came out as well. There were her friends and relatives.

I must say that it is strange to witness such a public death. The words "Rest in Peace" came to mind. We are approaching a year since her death and yet it seems nothing's changed. With the plaque dedication and upcoming relays in her name, will she rest in peace? I hope so.

When Tara commented on my post about going to Dallas, she said that maybe I'd get some closure. I was thinking about that word - closure - wondering if you ever get it with death. I'm sure you do, just takes some time to feel it. I do know that with this trip to Dallas, I got some distance. I don't feel so close to the death.

Alright, thank you guys for reading about this. Your support means a lot to me. Writing about this experience helped me a lot, but it wouldn't be the same if it wasn't for your support.

Soon, I'll be back to the regularly scheduled run-tertainment, featuring hilarious jokes demonstrating deep, sophisticated humor (such as "she said"). I'm (STILL!!!!!) recovering from my half. For example, on Wednesday, I ran 4 miles at... wait for it.... 13 minute/mile pace! On Friday, I did two miles at a slightly better, but not that impressive 10 min/mile pace. Talk about kicking your own untrained butt in a race. But next week I'm attacking marathon training from all directions, and THE SPEED SHALL BE BACK!

How I Rocked "Run Austin Run" Half-Marathon

2009-10-12T08:00:00.001-05:00

I honestly don't know where to start with this race report. I think saying that I'm very, very, very happy with how I did is one way to go about it.

My total time was 1:46:23 with an average pace of 8:07. That's not a PR, I know, but the course was so hilly that the word hilly doesn't really apply. It felt "mountainous". While a few miles in the middle of the race teased you with some intense downhills, by the end of the race you found yourself climbing more often than descending, and the hills were HILLS, not inclines.

Because the course was so hard (and because I couldn't train for the three weeks before the race due to injury), I was literally blown away with how well I did.

How I placed brought my spirits up even more. I was 4th out of 74 girls in my age group. That's in the 25-29 age group where chicks are strong and competitive. I'm very happy with that.

Today, the day after the half, I feel beat up. As if I just finished a whole marathon. As if someone ripped the muscles off my bones and put them back on without attaching them properly - I try to flex them, I try to tell them what to do, but they don't listen and just scream pain. That, my friends, is EXACTLY what you get for going into a long distance race with a weak base (stupid injury!). But I'm glad my injury healed in time and I still got to participate.

This race gave me a lot of confidence. I didn't make any excuses, showed up, and got the job done. And, since Houston marathon is flat, flat, flat, I'm so qualifying. It's not even funny! (But feel free to laugh and jump up and down!)

October 16

2009-10-08T11:58:00.004-05:00

On October 16, I'm going to Dallas to the dedication of a memorial plaque at the intersection where Erin collapsed and died during the last year's White Rock Marathon.

I still don't have the words to explain what happened, why it happened, and what it meant to me. I think, most and foremost, the question that I still have no answer for is "why did such a beautiful person have to be taken away from this world?". Seems this world could benefit from more of such wonderful people.

I admit that one of the reasons why I took her death extremely hard was because we trained together for the race and ran it together as well. I'd be still very much devastated - obviously - even if she ran that race without me. But something about being physically present during the last few moments before her death - that bizarre last hug I got to give her and seeing her disappear in the crowd in front of me to never be seen again - all this makes the loss so much harder to handle and still throws me into tears.

Very soon, a year will have passed since her death. I've made significant progress dealing with the trauma of being physically present by her side. But, the most shocking discovery to me is that, as the "wounds" heal, the fact that a friend and a wonderful person is lost becomes so much more stark, blunt, and real.

I can't wait for October 16. Mainly because I want to meet Erin's mom. And I've never throught that I'd long to come to Dallas. One step closer to.... I don't know to what... to a less painful state, I suppose.

Something About Music

2009-10-06T23:23:00.005-05:00

Do you know the password to this thing? I almost forgot it, honestly.

The last few days have been easy on the running. Injury avoidance mode. This is one of those "you did it to yourself" injuries (as opposed to, you know, someone coming at you with a crowbar... happens every day, right?), and I really don't want it to get worse.

Friday, as I happily announced to the Internetland, I had my test run, and it was spectacular. 8:08 pace without pushing it too hard, and nothing hurt afterwards.

And that was my last run for that week. But I didn't sit on my butt. The weekend had a ton of walking in store for me at the Austin City Limits music festival. This was my first time at ACL, and I must say it was quite an experience. Add the almost non-stop rain and mudd up to your knees, and you've got yourself an unforgettable adventure.

We went only during the second half of Saturday. First, it was Mos Def who seemed either very much exhausted or very, very high. Afterwards, we parked in front of the Decembrists stage. I've never listened to their music before, and their show was pretty darn awesome: there was the lead singer looking like Judah Friedlander where he's going to law school on 30Rock, the lady who stole princess Leia's costume, and a woman in black. I wish I knew the words so I could sing along!

And the night was wrapped up with a two-hour Dave Matthews Band concert. The lead guy (aka Dave Matthews) can definitely sing with his eyebrows (the right one would especially move with every new note - it's not an eyebrow, people, it's a sound wave!) and can shake his entire body very, very fast AND in rhythm (something to look for in a potential mate, ladies... Sorry, I couldn't resist a naughty joke). Although, I'm not a real fan, and, for the life of me, I just can't listen to their whole CD in one sitting, a live concert was a completely different thing.

After such wet, muddy, and physically exhausting adventure, I stayed in on Sunday. Like ~~a bitch~~ an old lady.

This week started off pretty strong. Monday - 40 mins cycling, 1 mile swimming, weights and core. Tuesday - a very easy 4 mile run. The next few days are up in the air because I decided to do the half this weekend, and I'm supposedly "tapering", although my training approach is more like "I do what I want".

TEST RUN WENT AWESOME

2009-10-02T17:48:00.005-05:00

I ran! And it was GOOD! And nothing hurt! And I'm so happy!

Exclamation points!!!!!

I must say my lungs hurt and I didn't feel fast, but I did well. Actually, you can just go ahead and throw a rock at me for that "I didn't feel fast" because I ran my usual hilly route by work in 29:59. With the akward total distance of 3.68 that gives me an 8:08 mile pace. Not too shabby, especially since my last PR on this route was 30:48. (Although, what do you expect when you just rest for a whole week???? Yeah.)

And, really, for the first mile I had the hugest shit-eating grin in the world. I. WAS. SO. HAPPY. TO. FINALLY. RUN.

And, did I mentioned that nothing hurts???

It's too early to jump to conclusions, because 1) I'm high on endorphins and I'm obviously not thinking clearly, and 2) how I feel later tonight and tomorrow is the real test, because this injury seems to be a lingering one.

Alright, it's Friday night, time to go live vicariously (UPDATE #1: My dear husband, who is a grammar buff, indicated that this sentence is unfinished and doesn't make sense. So, I'm going to leave it as is, just because I can, and because it totally flows with the mood of the entire post ;) UPDATE #2: OK, he wins, i misused the word - GAH, but I know you guys get me). I thought it's worth throwing an update out here since my last two entries were all mopy about the lack of running. Have a great weekend!

A Week of NO Running

2009-10-01T10:05:00.002-05:00

Today marks a week of no running. See how good I'm being??? If this was me three years ago, I'd try to run through the injury and get injured even more (I know so because that did actually happen).

So, I'm being smarter this time around. I'm taking my time.

The injury was rather unexpected. I was doing great, there were good gains in speed, I was getting enough rest. I even titled the post before the injury as "It's only getting better from here". But one run at a wrong intensity, and here I am "wallowing".

During this week of no running, I took another injury-prevention measure. I bought new running shoes. I've been cheaping out on shoes this year, and that definitely contributed to the injury. Doi.

The thing that I can't tell yet is whether this is a "take one week off" injury or "take a month off" injury. The pain is completely gone. For example, I feel nothing when I walk. But I'm obviously not walking my future races, so it remains to be seen if I can run. I think tomorrow is a good time for a very easy test run.

I decided that I won't do the October 11 half unless my ankle feels completely fine. And if it does feel fine, I probably won't be racing. Bah-bye, PR. Oh well, all I care about is Houston, really.